Cary is a well-meaning fellow, but often his advice only works for dealing with a world populated with people just like him.

Look: lots of us know things we don't want to know. So what?

Keep your mouth shut. For her sake, and for yours. Your desire to be "completely open and honest" isn't altruistic, it's a desire to be unburdened of the embarassment and guilt you feel-- and to put the burden of embarassment on her shoulders.

Why do you think she owes it to you, to help you get over your feelings of guilt, your actions, things for which she has no responsibility?

See, this is what I suspect-- you liked reading the ex's blog, and you want "permission" to keep reading it-- only you don't intend to ask for it explicitly. You want her to tell you your actions were and are "ok", i.e. forgiven, and you mean to rationalize and translate that into ongoing permission to keep reading the ex's blog.

No. You can't lay that on her either. If you really do value your relationship-- and her-- you can't ask for that either, whether implicitly or more directly. Own your guilt, keep your mouth shut, delete any files associated with your past furtiveness, and prohibit yourself from subsequent snooping.

She will probably be pissed that you were snooping around in Google for her life story when all you had to do was ask her. If you tell her about the blog, two things will happen. First, she will read it (who wouldn't?) and she will go through a lot of anger and hurt that you could keep her from. Second, no matter how much you swear otherwise, she will always worry that you believe some of what her ex wrote about her--she'll never feel like she's starting this relationship with a clean slate.

Nope. You snooped, it's your burden to carry. If you can't carry it alone, break up with her and consider it a lesson learned. But don't compare yourself to her ex. Remember, she had eyes and chose you. Writing ability alone doesn't make a worthwhile companion.

I love Cary, but he got this one so woefully, dreadfully wrong that I have to register so I can reply:

You won the lottery. Do you know how rare it is to become infatuated with someone, then get the chance to act on that infatuation? And rarer still -- to then have it work out successfully?

What do you hope to accomplish by bringing this subject out into the open? To make your relationship better? That is like taking your lottery winnings and investing them in some farfetched scheme in the hopes you'll become even richer.

No, the problem here is something you've already addressed -- your feelings of inadequacy. You may have started reading about your girlfriend because you were obsessed, but you continued to read in an attempt to get inside her head. What kind of life was she living before? What were her old boyfriends like? Finding answers to these questions is your way of answering what you really want to know: What does she see in me and how did I get this lucky? Maybe you think you better find out these answers before your luck runs out and she heads elsewhere.

You won. Maybe you'll never fully understand why, but you did. Now leave it in the past and, for God's sake, stop reading about her. Feel comfortable in your own skin, and don't take the relationship down a path where you can't be sure of the outcome. You may never be this lucky again.

LW, you say that the ex is an extraordinary writer--then you say that you know so much about your GF after reading his blog.

What makes you so certain that what he wrote was the truth? Maybe the ex is a fanciful writer who has used the breakup as a source of creative writing. He could have embellished on various incidents, or he could be writing fiction altogether. But even if she's confirmed the things he's written in her own words, that only speaks well of her honesty and openness. So what more could you want?

I don't think it's strange that you should find this blog--face it, when it comes to the web, rarely are there well-kept secrets. And I'm not blaming you for even looking, then reading. The thing I find strange is that, apparently, you believe everything you've read, wholesale. You don't mention anything along the lines of discovering that she's a con artist, or a felon, or some such creature that should be avoided at all costs.

All you mention is that the ex is a great writer, and thus, by extrapolation, he must be highly intelligent, artistic, witty, attractive, someone who you couldn't possibly measure up to. Have you thought that, for example, your GF is simply over him because maybe he could never get over himself? That she'd prefer a down-to-earth, sincere guy with whom she can share interests and affection without all the sturm und drang?

She's with you now, and doesn't seem to be hiding much, if anything. Why can't you just enjoy her and see where the relationship goes? If you suddenly feel "mediocre" or like "the next best thing," then the problem isn't your girlfriend--it's your lack of confidence and self-esteem. Maybe you should have that looked into.

I just don't see a serious problem here. Let yourself get to know her better, and base your opinion of her on your compatibility, openness, and comfort with each other. The most important judgment to use regarding the potential success of the relationship is your own. Don't let it be clouded by unneccessary self-doubt and a sense of inferiority.

Life is short. If you've found a good person to be with, for Pete's sake, enjoy this time of your life with her, and let things happen as they may!

It's simple. Keep your trap shut. And stop reading the blog. It's not helping anything.

Wow, what a lame response, Cary. The pseudo-chivalry is actually kind of nauseating. I've seen lots of wishy-washy stuff in this column before but never such bad advice with no support given for it whatsoever.

LW should not tell his girlfriend what he found online because the chances of damaging the relationship are greater than any assuaging of his guilt it will bring. He needs to look within himself and try to understand this guilt and just let the relationship happen. Bringing this stuff up will neither help him understand the root of his problem nor do anything positive for the relationship.