This letter is associated with the following article:
Letters
Monday, July 23, 2007 12:00 AM

My boyfriend is checking out chicks while I'm standing right there!

It bugs me that he does this, but I don't want to make a big fuss.

Read other letters about this article

Sunday, July 22, 2007 07:01 PM

I had the exact same problem!

At first I tried to be humorous about it. He seems to need to get a reaction from the women he's ogling - he never looks away until they 've exchanged smiles.

"Shall I leave you two alone?" I'd ask when I caught him gazing. Interestingly, he was unable to have a sense of humor about it - he was always defensive or denying. I suppose he felt I was judging him, or about to get pissed.

I tried the 'if you can't lick 'em, join 'em' strategy, but since straight men do not generally groom themselves for The Gaze, pickings can be slim.

I finally solved the problem by refusing to notice what my boyfriend is noticing when we're out and about. Instead, I focus on who is noticing me. I catch the glances coming my way and smile back and the guys who smile at me. If BF notices, he generally gets grumpy but says nothing...but it seems to hae a chilling effect on his wandering eye. If he doesn't notice, who cares, I'm having fun with a behavior I am proving to myself is harmless, which makes me less obsessive about him when HE does it.

Most Active Letters Threads

650

The pitbull in lipstick is back!

She's "tired of hearin' the talk talk talk" but Palin wowed Tea Party Nation Inc. with nastiness for fun and profit
511

Wall Street owners angry with their purchase

Bankers threaten to once again fund the GOP if Obama continues saying mean things about them
387

Palin and the tea-party "movement": nothing new

After Bush/Cheney, the GOP needs a new branding campaign and this is what they've found
266

Rich Lowry's brain

The capacity of the right-wing mind to attack exactly that which it does is apparently infinite
175

"Marry Him!": Settling and the single girl

Lori Gottlieb talks about her controversial dating book, which has some women foaming and Hollywood courting

View all »

Letters Help

Currently in Salon