Letters to the Editor
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what are you looking for?
You don't say how old you are or what it is you are looking for in a boyfriend. If you are a mere youth, are not engaged in a real quest for a solid partner, and/or are highly susceptible to the charms of this particular man, you might want to tolerate his behavior while you figure out how you feel about it and him.
I put up with men who behaved in this way in college and in my twenties. I felt myself becoming more critical in my 30s and even hostile to demonstrations like those you describe that a man is, if only temporarily, objectifying women.
Then at 37, I had the great good fortune to marry a man who did not behave this way--and I also have the hots for him. Now 43, I do not look kindly on men who stare at women to discern their physical assets. I see this as juvenile, unintelligent, and mysogynistic behavior. It is behavior that cannot be gently upgraded. It must be rooted out.
The important distinction is that women are not their bodies, and sophisticated, loving people know this and do not get confused about this in their everyday conduct or street behavior. Men who size women up as you describe are indulging in a habit of apprehending women in terms of their bodies and faces. I submit that this distorts their future relations with these and all women. I further submit that men who do not force themselves to behave better because their own value system requires it will not make good partners. Men should be embarassed to behave in this obvious, literalistic way and look for approaches to people, including women, that are more complex and ennobling.