Letters to the Editor
-
P.S. About Hubby
LW, at 35, you are just entering the prime of your sexuality. You've got to get honest with your husband about your lack of fulfillment and get this fixed. If not, expect that over the next decade either your own personal happiness or your marriage is going to be doomed, stepson or no stepson.
Somebody needs to do some research into WHY so many husbands are utterly petering out in their late 30s and 40s. It's absolutely epidemic, and I have no idea if it's just the way things have always been (but been unspoken of)or is a pathetic hallmark of this twisted modern life.
-
My crazy mother's mother once made a pass at my dad
when he was a fully grown, married father of three. The thought of it still disturbs him. If you need any more discouragement, LW, consider how horrifying will be the moment when you realize that the 17-year-old doesn't want you, that it's all in your head, and you've already made a pass . . . it will be a horror show he remembers for the rest of his life. And you? Scarlet A anyone?
Tell your husband this: "I am vulnerable to having an affair. I am attracted to other men. How can we handle this?" If he doesn't want to fix it, consider asking him if he's open to your having extramarital affairs. Maybe he is?
At any rate, do not go there with the kid. Do not assume we don't understand your situation. Do not let your fantasies get you by the ovaries.
-
Have sex with your husband.
Your husband need to have his testosterone level checked. At his age it's in decline but it can be remedied. His body maty be depleted of other essentials, B-12, comes to mind. That can be remedied also. It's the reason men are petering out at such a young age.
-
it's a complex human feeling
You have this obssession due to lacking of a point over his power sexual attraction. And he is on his way to discover his power in appearance to distract others.
Remember even you want to sacrisfy/ devote yourself for anyone, any deed, but inner yourself who always tell you that you are superior or inferior to these objects, to make you judge any worth of doing so. And this voice is coming out to form a kind of your existance which can distinguish between others.
Maybe a little complexity for you, but I mean what you behave to create you in eyes of others. Choose bad or good, choose way to live upto you. But think that you should grab on your voice of active move to guide your stepyouth, and dont let the sensation of inferiority to overcome you, I not mention bad feelings, but a feeling of inferiority to someone, just because you dont have things of attraction he has got.
Anyway, he is your son, so you must respect and require he respect you in someway not to throw up all of your parental rights ( this right is too true to exist in your family and my family ).
Hope you can get well with this, or if you just have something with him, you can recognise the matter to stop. Stop your feeling of inferiority to someone, which can not help you progress in life. Find something to proud yourself with a position - always-being. Brighter day to you all !
-
Somebody needs to do some research into WHY so many husbands are utterly petering out in their late 30s and 40s.
They're tired out from having wild sex with their younger girlfriends
-
Maybe the LW should channel some of that obsessive energy
into having her husband shadowed by a PI.
-
whoever said it could be resulting from the wife ogling the son is off the deep end.
No, I would agree that could very well be the reason, too. You must be on another planet. I don't know what your house is like, but I can't even hide christmas presents in mine. People are alot more perceptive than you think. Anyone who would refer to thier 17 year old stepson as "tall dark and handsome" (and not in an innocent way) is a whack job. I don't giver her much credit or tact if she's mooning over the kid. Bet your ass hubby has noticed.
-
Salon will have a coronary, but religion can help
Two years ago, I was in a slightly similar situation to the LW in that I was with a man with a "low libido." To my astonishment (at the time) it turned out he just wasn't attracted to me--possibly he was repulsed. The odd thing was I thought I was better-looking for a woman than he was for a man--and I was 5 years younger than he. I was completely floored. Our relationship had been great as far as I knew--we never had a cross word. Yet the truth finally came out that he indeed had a libido--a very strong and eager one--for other people! I could not get a straight answer from him on anything so I was left to speculate on why he wasn't attracted to me. At that time, the strangest thing happened. My own libido, which I had been tamping down because I thought I was accomodating his "low libido," went through the roof (and I'm a normally shy type.) I spent a couple of months doing things I cannot now belive I did. I still don't understand why my own libido woke up and went into overdrive when I discovered the truth--that the "low libido" guy wanted other people not me. Based on my experience, I would suggest the LW's libido is bouncing off the walls because she doesn't understand why her husband is not interested.
Then another strange thing happened. I thought church gave me the creeps because I thought all religion was smarmy and hypocritical. But I accompanied a friend to a (mainline, not right-wing) church and to my surprise the atmosphere wasn't what I expected. I will not preach but healing began. I am skipping a few things about how religion helped me calm down and get perspective and not bounce off the walls about the transition to an older woman but it really, really helped. Sex and attraction are big parts of life but they aren't the only parts. All I am saying is religion can bring comfort because at church you might see older people (33 or 35 is nOT OLD! I am 50) being happily involved and valued and finding happiness through other things than their attractiveness or status...that means a lot. Sex and attraction are big parts of life but so is some of that do-gooder stuff that can happen at church...especially if you are a good liberal.