Letters to the Editor
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Oh the problems I have with this
Stop, don't pass go, if boy-o makes a move, you do not express flattery over it, you tell him, no, stop and don't and go find some girl at the mall, school, anywhere other than his fathers home.
You can control your thoughts, you just haven't learned how and that is why behavior therapy is right up your alley.
Do your best to give distance even if it hurts his feelings, there is always the stress, bitchy PMS excuse. Stop talking to him like a peer or whenever it's his weekend with dad, find errands to run, friends to hang out with outside of the home.
Next, you need to have a long drag out with your husband about the sexless marriage, about how it's not okay and how it's making you feel shitty and if you have good communication he will tell you why he's being all low libido. Maybe it's strees, maybe it's erectile disfunction, maybe it's passive aggressive anger over something else going on in your marriage or maybe he really just isn't interested in sex, in which case you and he need to work out something, open marriage, swing parties, he needs to fake it more, you need to be more aggressive, or walk away from one another.
But I'm not going to let you off the hook and tell you these feelings are okay, they happen yes they certainly do, but they are not okay! They are not feelings to be nurtured and dwelled on and turned into a fantasies. They are feelings to be passed over and go, ick, lets not think about that.
Once when I was a teen and I was wearing a really tight dress for a school video project(I'm built like a stripper) and my best friends dad looked at me funny, I also noticed the absolute horror that crossed his face and he left the room and I've never seen that look on his face since. So if you think no one is noticing whats going on, you're wrong. Someone is noticing but isn't going to call you on it because they want to believe they aren't seeing what they are seeing.
Boundaries lady, you need to come up with them, you need to look at this young strapping man as a 9 yr old. As your child, not your peer, not a sexual being.
How about watching the latest John From Cincinnati episode where something very innapropiate goes on between the mother Cissy and her then 13 yr old son Butchie, it kinda explains why he's on smack and why she wants to blow her brains out.
Stop transferring the sexual feelings you have for your innatentive husband onto his child.
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Boys show signs, too
"It is not the least bit harmful to a young male to be seduced by an older woman, as long as she is not his stepmom. They would both get something great out of it."
I've seen different. Two separate men I've dated both had sex at a young age with older women. They both thought it was great and not a problem, a good experience. Something to brag about.
In truth, they both showed many of the traits you frequently see in women that were sexually abused when young. They were too promiscuous, self esteem issues, thought they only brought one thing to the table and much of their self worth was tied up in their sexuality alone.
The difference being is that men are not judged as "desperate" when they sleep with everyone that shows them an ounce of affection, so it's not seen as a problem.
Their promiscuity has hurt both of them in the long run and neither has had success in a long term relationship.
Add in the fact the LW is not just an authority figure (let alone his stepmother), the kid would be destroying his relationship with his father.
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Don't think he won't make a move
I'd say the odds of him making a move are 25% to 30%, and they shoot to 90% if he figures out you're attracted to him. You need to be the adult, not the romantic prospect. As someone else said, 17-year-olds boys are, well, horny.
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Take a Page From A Welsh Tom Jones Fan
I read a funny anecdote about Tom Jones a while ago. He was in a Welsh club and gave a great performance. Women threw their knickers and keys onstage and he got a roaring ovation. After the show, he ran into an older Welsh couple who had seen the show. Jones asked the husband, "How do you feel when your wife throws her knickers on the stage like that?" The man grinned and said, "Friend, you pump the tires and I ride the bicycle."
Stepmom can use all of this pent up sexual energy to give her old man a rousing good time.
Good on her for wanting to do the right thing. I agree maybe a therapist for her would help her sort out her feelings. I think the lad will eventually find a girl his own age and all will be well.
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Narrowly open minded
"I distinctly remember being 22; "maturity" and "experience" we're most assuredly not high on the list of what I was seeking, nor are they, I suspect, what todays' young men are getting all hot and bothered about."
-- Jason_Deluxe
Yo, Jay-De, every see the Van Halen video "Hot for Teacher?" Ever Google MILF?
I'd agree that, in general, men's tastes skew young, but I'm here to tell all those "neofemistists" Jason refers to feel sexy, because you probably are. As a particularly rude friend of mine used to say, "8 to 80, blind crippled or crazy."
Yes, that's a disturbing sentiment, and yes, it is a joke, but it reflects a reality, and a good one at that -- sexual tastes and desires are astoundingly diverse.
Teens, in particular, are attracted to older women. At 16 I didn't want to hook up with my 16 year friends, I wanted to hook up with more womanly 20-somethings. The younger the kid, the older his fantasy is likely to be; as the man gets older, it starts skewing younger again. (We are a fucked up gender to be sure.)
I'm amazed at how narrow some people's responses are. Jay-De doesn't think guys can get hot for older women. The letter after his is one of several that use the word "ick." Really? Two sexually mature people who aren't related by blood? I think it's hot, and I think you do too.
Is it a good idea for them to sleep together? Almost certainly not. It shatters the trust that bonds father to son and wife to husband and will certainly lead to a lot of hurt. But the problem is not really in the act itself but in the aftermath--OK, now they've screwed, marriage seems out of the question, an ongoing affair would be doomed for disaster, and'just a taste' normally ain't enough for us human animals. But physically, there is nothing wrong or revulting about them having sex.