Good advice, bud. I dare any one to disagree with Cary on this one. I have to wonder, though, what the good is of liking yourself if you don't like anyone else, and no one likes you. I guess everything has its price.

A letter writer who completely repels me. Didn't see that one coming.

Would it kill you to act pleasant? One phone call you're not thrilled about versus upsetting a whole bunch of people who are legitimately grieving the dying relative who loves you, but whom you, soulless shell that you are, don't love?

I would have gone off, personally. Cary, you and I are both Southerners, and I appreciate your very diplomatic comment about "some but not all southern families." The LW states "family is important", states she now understands why her grandmother did the things she did, but generally blames the south and its culture for the way she perceives her own growing up. Maybe it really was the family, and maybe familial dysfunction is not peculiar to the South. I left for southern California (that's as far north as I was willing to move, thank you) for five years, and learned, among other things, that the "geographic cure" doesn't cure anything. If LW has managed to escape her own shortcomings by heading in the diametrically opposite direction and blaming the South for her disillusionment with the life she might have had if she'd been given the opportunity to choose her birthplace and parents, then more power to her. But for god's sake, her grandmother, who is clearly not an evil woman, is dying, and "I don't care"? Family clearly is not all that important. It's just her blood and she doesn't want to take any responsibility for who she it. I hope she will just stay home and be the person she really is. That would at least be honest. At the very least.

Funerals are for the people who are still living. Don't go if you don't want to maintain ties with the innumerable distant relations. But you need to call your grandma. Come on, woman! She made you wear dresses you didn't like? That is not exactly abuse. (Unless I made a mistake and you are a guy.)

Unless the letter writer is willing to kiss off her entire family forever, she needs to call her grandmother and go to the services when her grandmother dies. Going to funeral services shows respect for our families and the people who loved us. None of us particularly like funeral services, many family get togethers, etc. We go, because we are part of a family and we want to stay part of the family. If you have no desire to remain a respected part of your family, then, by all means, stay home.

Now would be a good time to show them who you are and stand up for yourself at last.

Where is your compassion, LW? We are talking about a woman dying here. You can't take ten minutes of your time to put in a call to show respect for a dying woman? Forget whether or not she is family. You are talking about someone's light going out. Their soul being released. Her existance, at least in this realm, is ending. Surely, that trumps your own selfish family drama. You would have to be one selfish person to treat even a stranger as you are. Shame on you.

Ever hear of taking the high road, being the bigger person?

You don't want to be the black sheep, you want them all to think well enough of you, but you don't want any of the responsibility that attaches. Wouldn't we all like to drop into our families when it serves us, then drop out when it is messy or a bother.

Would it really kill you to call her? Is your time that precious, your psyche that fragile? You're sure you'll never regret when it is too late?

How about "do unto others?" Someday you may be the old (if you are lucky) woman who has inconveniently failed to die on schedule.

Skip the funeral if you want, but pick up the phone.

Cary nailed it. Just because everybody expects you to be courteous is no reason not to do it. I called my unbearable grandfather on his deathbed and told him I loved him, and although it wasn't true, it was definitely the right thing to do. I've never regretted it – kind actions are never regrettable. I can't say the same for selfish and petty inaction.

Grandma loved Jesus. I don't. Grandma thought that a woman's place was in the home. I never have thought this. Grandma quilted, embroidiered, and crocheted. I sort of wish I did all those things but I don't have the patience. Grandma made compromises that I never had to make. None of that matters to me now. What I remember and hug to me is that Grandma loved me.

Prodigal, there are few people in the world who will truly love any of us. Your grandmother loved you. I hope you will call her immediately and say all the right things a dying woman needs to hear. Ease her mind. You will never be able to speak to her again.

If you go to the funeral and people say she is "in a better place," say she certainly deserves to be. If they say it was "God's will," simply nod and thank them for their condolences. If they say that she is "at peace," say that it does you good to hear that.

One more thing: Wear a dress. For her.

If what you really want is a peaceful and serene existence, then pay your respects. If however, you want to play a starring role in your grandmother's funeral by rekindling the family drama you grew up with, then by all means, stand your ground and make sure everyone knows that when good Southerners escape northward they sure do get ugly and all. For heaven's sake, she's your grandmother, not your ex-husband.