Letters to the Editor
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I look forward to dying every night
It's called sleep. The fact that I don't remember anything from these periods of unconsciousness, except for fragments of dreams sometimes, doesn't bother me in the least. Oftentimes, I try to get a little death in the daytime by taking a nap. My wife hates it when I choose death over doing the dishes or vacuuming the floor. Sometimes I'm so overcome with guilt I commit suicide by going back to sleep.
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"fastest growing"
Before someone complains -- atheist/agnostic/no belief was the fastest growing category in terms of percentage-of-Americans increase, from 8.4% in 1990 to 15.0% in 2001. Some other tiny religions tripled their number of adherents, but still make up less than 1% of the population.
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Some thoughtful posts here
I would second the reader who suggested that LW look into the possibility of clinical depression.
A piece of advice, though, if you decide it is mainly existential depression and start experimenting with faith. Don't start with the idea of finding security against existential annihilation and the eternal loss of loved ones. Start with the hope of finding God or Truth and learning how to live faithfully and loyally in the service of God or Truth as that begins to reveal itself to you.
Somebody quoted Augustine: "You have created us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till we find rest in you." Notice that the saint says "find rest in you" -- God -- not "find rest in the assurance that death is not the end." It's a subtle distinction but an important one.
Find a good congregation that is trying to love and serve God in the real world, not one that promises you a cosmic insurance policy. And look for an intelligent pastor who can listen to your concerns, let you take things at your own pace, and help you explore spirituality and prayer -- not one who promises that if you just do it his way you will never again be lonely or troubled or filled with existental dread.
Christ himself experienced existential dread. You're in good company. Good luck in your search.
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Read, Read, Read
I just want to add another voice to the small chorus of people encouraging LW to seek wisdom. Today's atheists seem to believe that the existential crisis is something new in history, that could only be possible once the comforting foundation of religion has crumbled. But people of all walks of life (and all faiths) have always struggled with the enormity of the universe.
I think that art and literature are the best resources for anyone dealing with this crisis. In the US, where our history and culture are still very young, we look at art as a form of consumable entertainment. Other, older civilizations revere great works of art as timeless sources of truth and wisdom that seem far greater and closer to eternity.
The other thing is that lots of devout religious people in history were tormented BY their faith! Even Augustine wasn't presumptuous enough to ever say with confidence that he was going to heaven. Faith-as-instant-comfort is a rather new invention. Dread of the unknown used to be a component of religion, not something you use religion to relieve!
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Maybe the idea that this life is all there is is unsettling because it's not so great?
I don't know if I'd describe myself as an atheist or an agnostic, but either way, the idea that there is no heaven or afterlife is freeing to me. Each of us is tiny and insignificant when measured against the grand scheme of things. Therefore, the only thing that matters is what I do each day. Every small thing that I do matters because that's all our lives are: collections of small things in a vast universe that we don't even understand. Did I help a mom get her baby carriage up the subway stairs? Give up my seat for an old person? Make someone laugh? Give comfort to a friend who's having a crisis? On a larger scale, does the work I do touch anyone else, improve someone else's life in some way, and will it leave any legacy after I'm gone? I'm an academic, so for me that means books that someone a generation from now might read or students who might remember me as having been meaningful to them in some way, however small. And, do I enjoy my life?
If the LW is struggling, I'm wondering if he's looking around and finding that he doesn't feel his work has any meaning or his relationships don't involve real connections to other people. I don't think faith gives life meaning; if anything, I think it takes meaning out of life. If the time we have here is just a stopover on our way to someplace else, then what we do here isn't meaningful in and of itself, but only as a means for getting someplace else.
It doesn't seem like you can be really present in this world if you're always anticipating the next.
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happends to everyone
your depression isn't about religion, it's about aging and the inevitibility of death. We all hit it square, and some get more depressed, but some use it as an inspiration to accomplish more in life.
Penn (of Penn and Teller) had a beautiful essay on NPR about why being atheist is so inspiring. I encourage people to goole it on the npr site. But he says knowing there's no afterlife makes him all the more driven to acheive things now, in his life. Rather than letting the no afterlife knowledge bring him down (is this all there is?), he lets it inspire him to accomplish more today because this is the only chance he'll have. Live life now before it's too late, cuz you're gonna die eventually and there's no afterlife.
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more wisdon from Penn Jillette
"Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around."
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It's not that complicated
Why do so many budding atheists need to make this so complicated?
You are born; you live; you die.
Game over, and no, you don't get to play again. So, play well.
All the rest is based on archaic attempts at enforcement of societal survival practices. Trichinosis & spoilage? God says keep kosher. Want to steal my money, wife life? Moses says fuck off. And so forth...
And, for you agnostics, an agnostic is an atheist who craves social acceptance. (I forget who said it first.)
So, why all the angst?