Letters to the Editor
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I was so glad to read your letter LW b/c I know I'm not alone...
Every couple of months I'm where you are LW. I become concerned about my place in the universe and everyone and everything I hold dear.
Technically I'm agnostic. I believe there's a God, I'm just not willing to attribute a personality or intentions to it.
It’s a hard place to be. I think that many humans use religion as a balm against the fears and pains of life. I think religion is more about us being reflexive and egotistical than really trying to know God. It’s so clear that we aren't in control and so we have to believe that there's a method to the madness of this world, that someone is on our side, and that things will get better.
It’s hard not to have that safety net. Those of us who never drank the kool-aid or took a sip and poured out the rest have to live a life of questions. I'd love a definitive answer that I can believe. I'd love to walk around going "This is the way, the only way" and really believe that.
I used to be slightly miffed at God. I wanted God to reach down, and whisper in my ear "I'm here and this is the path to knowing me." Not even because I want anything from God. But just to know.
But honestly, who am I to get asides from God? I don't believe that looking for God's signs type stuff. It’s God! It should know all languages and be able to break it down to me in Midwest slang, if need be.
But let's be real, I have not dedicated my own life and being to going in search of God. I'm not living in thigh deep various spiritual texts. I'm not climbing mountains, chanting in monasteries, snake handling, or doing anything beyond saying "Well Christianity ain't it for me!” I'm too busy catching Top Chef, trying to meet a decent man, and writing this long @ss post.
I'm in my early 30s. I have friends who, in our 20s, were just as agnostic as I am. But like clockwork, they became more Christian. It’s like they were rouge robots and someone hit their default switch. I've had to endure their religious fervor, their Christian speak, feeling left out, and trying to be saved. I know that on a daily basis I'm being prayed for.
But I can't and won't lie. I think it’s wrong to be any religion by default, just because it’s easy or popular or you were raised that way. Its sacrilege to claim a spirituality that isn't in your heart.
So those of us strong enough not to lie are somehow penalized. We have no one and no way to cosign that this is the right path. Like religious folk, other atheists can not definitively prove or disprove not just the existence of God, but also its motivations and intentions.
I think atheism is hardcore. Like extreme spirituality (or anti-spirituality). Like going "There's no cause and effect." You need a helmet, heart pads, and a bullet proof vest for your soul. It’s all or nothing. Either there's a God (in which case, "What's up God? Speak to me!") or it’s all gasses and big bang.
I, on the other hand, believe in something that mirrors the earth and the animals on it. We beget from something else. Who created God is a whole other question that I try to keep from haunting me.
But LW, if you seriously go looking for God, send me a postcard on your journey. And when you find it, send me an email with mapquest directions so I can meet up with the two of you to share a drink, a laugh, and a clue. 'Cause I'd love to know God' favorite color, reality show, and its most embarrassing moment.