Obviously, there is no limit to what wifey will do to justify her "friendships." Did it ever occur to you that she might pull your daughter into her lies?

My husband's ex is an attention junkie of the highest order. She's been married...alot... let's leave it at that. When my step-daughters were 10 & 12, she used to take them out to lunch and shopping with "a friend", when her then-husband was out of town. (You know where this is going, yes?) Try keeping calm when a couple of impressionable youngsters are telling you about all the great stuff "Uncle Marv" bought for them...

and how "everyone, even married ladies, can be friends with whoever they want"...

and how "it's okay, Marv knows that Mom is in a relationship"... Yes: "In a relationship"!

Those girls were learning how to grift and manipulate from the very best. They were learning that the truth is relative.

Do you want your kid raised like that?

DTMFA

Look, you BOTH have poor track records (3 divorces for her vs. your 2). BOTH of you apparently don't know how to either have an honest, monogamous relationship (her) or pick a partner capable of being honest and monogamous (YOU). How you have been able to raise a child this long without both of you driving her insane is beyond me. In fact, I would love to hear your other grown children's take on all of this. Better still, a little background on the LW's childhood, as well as his spouse's, would be very interesting info. to know. There has to be some kind of parental separation or trauma in the past that has allowed her to be a slut and you to be her doormat.

No matter. This lady is porkin' other guys, LW...plain and simple. Guys aren't into "emotional affairs," that story is just some lie she cooked up. I f'ing laughed my ass off when I read that...but I wouldn't expect anything less from a lawyer, well-versed in double-speak. And you're dumb enough to fall for this, hook, line, and sinker.

Take the advice about finding a good divorce lawyer...if things are okay at home, wait another 4 years until the daughter has left home...but if it's worse than it sound right now, think about getting all of the ammunition you can get and prepare for a divorce (your 3rd., her 4th.).

Sorry, got my facts wrong....on her 3rd. marriage vs. your 2nd....oh well, I guess I lost count, kinda hard to keep up with both of ya...

LW, you've suffered enough. If you want to stop suffering, then you should do as others have advised and begin preparing for a divorce. Talk to your attorney about how to proceed in the best way for your own interests. You don't want to send your ex-wife out to lunch with Bill or John or the next guy on your dime.

Don't try to go and punch or otherwise attack the ones who are cuckolding you. If you are arrested and convicted of assault you will be disbarred at a minimum and you will gain little for it. Your wife is not worth that.

On the other hand, it may also be the case that you enjoy or get some pathological satisfaction from being the victim here. Especially after knowing about this for so long. If that is the case then in that context Cary's advice makes sense. But you have to accept that you are a really pathetic individual in that scenario.

In the end, it's up to you what makes you happy but a disinterested observer would say this marriage was destroyed by your wife a long time ago.

After observing for several weeks, and noticing several occasions when her whereabouts were unaccounted for (we are both attorneys, partners together, and are almost always together) ...

Good heavens. Being "almost always together" with an eagle-eyed, attentive spouse who is also a professional colleague and a business partner sounds exhausting. Who wants to see that much of one person -- even someone they're married to?

Well, okay, Mr Green, maybe you do. But it seems to me that your wife is bored, frankly -- frustrated by routine and the omnipresent consistency (I bet you try very hard to be consistent) of this one man who fills her every waking hour, day in and day out -- and that she lacks the psychic tools necessary to build a productive outlet for her frustration.

What I hear Cary asking, Green, is if you have it in you to help her develop those tools -- if you have what it takes to thrill her, to startle her into seeing in you the risk and uncertainty she craves. Someone else in this forum suggested personally threatening this other man in some vivid and grotesque fashion. Imagine his next testicle-shriveled conversation with her after that. Imagine that on her mind the next time she saw you. Ha!

Or you inform her you are going out for the evening without saying where or what your plans are, and if she wants to find out she has to come and see for herself where the night will lead. Or you take a nice sight-seeing excursion in a plane together, and only at 20,000 feet does she learn that the return trip is by parachute.

Yes, it's work, and it's dealing with her somewhat on her terms, not yours. But she was worth marrying in the first place, wasn't she? So she's worth some effort now, right?

Right?

This LW is acting like a very poor lawyer. With so much at stake (his kid, his firm, his home, his marriage and his future earnings) he needs to be ready for anything before opening this box of worms. In addition to all the legal maneuvers Ben suggests I’d also hire a P.I. and find out exactly what’s going on before doing anything else. Right now the LW is only guessing at what’s going on and that’s not good enough – he needs to know exactly what he’s dealing with.

But unlike Ben I see this plan as more as more of an insurance policy and a final line in the sand. Confronted with her affair and all the years of lies the wife might be inclined to admit she’s got a problem that’s harming her family. I don’t think it’s too late for a happy outcome. But if it all goes to hell the LW is ready for it.