Cary said: "Apparently in the marriage contract there is a clause in invisible ink that says we must sever all our ties and mute all our needs and close all the windows and become what we are not in order to protect the inviolable envelope of the marriage contract."

Actually, in the traditional Protestant marriage vows, there is an explicit clause about this: "forsaking all others, keeping thee only unto him as long as you both shall live." Marriage is generally understood to be an exclusive relationship, which means the wife doesn't get to have boyfriends even if they make her happy.

The LW's wife is a pathological liar. Her ability to continue lying even when confronted with evidence to the contrary about something so important suggests she may even be a sociopath. Marriages can survive cheating and all kinds of other wounds. But they cannot survive when one person cannot be truthful with the other. And tragically, counseling is virtually always ineffective with genuine sociopaths, who are manipulators who game even that system. The LW needs counseling, too--to figure out why he's been so willing to accommodate someone who continues to lie to him.

There is a little girl to think of here, not just a marriage between two people. LW, get out. And don't look back--she'd just be waiting with more lies.

How do two trial attorneys have the time and psychic energy for this consuming game of chase? I can't help but think you're shortchanging your clients.

And your daughter.

And yourselves.

This is just another in a long chain of letters that leaves me shaking my head and wondering, "why do so many dumbass, spineless people think they just have to be married?"

Wifey is an attention whore, and YOU, LW, need a punch in the face, because that seems the most likely hope for brain readjustment.

How do two trial attorneys have the time and psychic energy for this consuming game of chase? I can't help but think you're shortchanging your clients.

And your daughter.

And yourselves.

This is just another in a long chain of letters that leaves me shaking my head and wondering, "why do so many dumbass, spineless people think they just have to be married?"

Wifey is an attention whore, and YOU, LW, need a punch in the face, because that seems the most likely hope for brain readjustment.

I have several different reactions to this letter, which I will break down for you.

1) It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if my husband had phone sex with someone else. Emotional affairs are fine with me as long as they stay long-distance and neither party uses them as an excuse not to fulfill the needs of the marriage.

2) Nevertheless, different things constitute infidelity in different marriages. If this constitutes infidelity in yours, it's infidelity.

3) Pretty damn stupid marrying a woman who's been divorced twice already because of infidelity. What, you thought she was going to turn over a new leaf just for you?

4) Nevertheless, you are now married to her and you have a kid, so it's worth trying to make this work.

5) The big one: your marriage counselor is an idiot. Get one with some connection to reality. It's not okay for your wife to "remain friends" with someone with whom she's had an affair. She can find a new friend. If the marriage counselor doesn't see this, he or she is too incompetent to counsel you.

6) You are not overreacting to the idea of her remaining friends with John. I personally think you were overreacting a little in the first place, but hey, if you think it's wrong and she thinks it's wrong, it's wrong. She needs to cut it out.

7) Don't punch John in the face. However, I won't report you if you tell him, "If you don't stop phoning and text-messaging my wife I'm going to have to punch you in the face. Get your own wife and leave mine out of it."

All of them are starkly ravingly tiresome. I feel sorry for the kid.

So, they've finally replaced Cary Tennis with a roomful of typing monkeys. I love Salon but when are they going to fire this guy? What an idiot!

LW, here's the deal. First I will personally break John's nose and simultaneously knee him in the balls. He needs this in order to get on with his life.

Secondly I will give your wife the consummation of her life. She'll be very perplexed by this because she appears to be an idiot (which is not quite the same as insane).

Thirdly I will tell you when the Evil Deed has been done, so that you can confront her with it. Then I will confront both of you with it. Then I will tell her I never, ever want to look at her again, turn and walk away. Unlike you, I can do that.

When she turns to you begging, yet again, for forgiveness, you will have had all the dirty work done for you, you will have a very real and concrete "betrayal" to grasp, and you will have seen how easy it can be to walk away from a crazy woman. Your assignment will be to imitate what I just did.

If you flunk the assignment you get to spend the rest of your life in the Tenth Circle of Hell.

It's win-win, dude! Gimme a holler. I've got references.

Take that sign off your back that says "Kick Me" and things are bound to get better.

Oh my god. This letter is my life. Except I'm the husband, and my (now) ex-boyfriend was the wife. Lies, lies, more lies, and I spent almost two years making excuses for him, to myself, my friends, him. And in the end, you know what happened? I became the bad guy. I became the one who broke up his happy little life of lies. I'm the one he blamed for his actions. I'm the one made to feel bad for not trusting him. I'm the one who'd end up crying when he'd make me feel like a horrible bitch for not trusting him. The irony? I was right. Every single time.

I became the mean one who couldn't trust, the one who tried to control or at least know about his every move -- because as soon as he was out of my sight, he'd cheat (not always physically, mostly emotionally). I became someone I'm not, I never was, and I shouldn't have become. What an enormous, life-changing breath of fresh air I breathed when I finally got smart and left. My lungs could expand again.

And you know what? I loved him with all my heart. I would have done anything, absolutely anything for him. I thought he was the love of my life. I miss that feeling, horribly, but I do not miss one second of the self-doubt and fear I felt for almost the entire time we were together.

You wouldn't believe, LW, the amazing things that happen when you're free (rid) of someone like your wife... the amazing people who suddenly appear in your life, the love you can feel again for someone who really loves you back.

My advice to the LW -- leave now. Really, do it. Pack your stuff, take your daughter, and go. You will be happier, I promise. Now, I fill my days with the things I love and people I adore, and not with all-consuming and painful thoughts about someone who found it way, way way too easy to lie to me. In the end it was his pathology, not mine. As soon as I realized that, I became me again -- a whole, confident, happy person. He's broken, and so is your wife.

Run for your life.