to the anonymous poster. Fuck off. You are one of the anonymous women afraid to use your moniker and prefer to lob bullshit, unsubstantiated comments rather than be held accountable. It is likely you are doing exactly what she is and are angry that is bullshit and she is being called on it.

of COURSE this is "wrong." of COURSE he "should" leave her.

but come ON people. haven't we yet learned that people fuck things up ALL OF THE TIME? it's so easy for you to sit there and spew armchair analysis (more likely deskchair psychology) about what's wrong with this relationship and how the LW should deal with it.

i know that's what this "letters" section is about -- for us to spew our opinions, but you people are so damn self-righteous. could you get off your high horses for a minute and admit that even YOU have done something unforgiveable in your love lives? i have. and i find it hard to be that i'm the only one reading this column who has. why else would we be reading it.

oh, and my favorites are the people who are like "the pooorr daughter." please. are you perfect parents? i'm guessing not.

let's try to have a little more sympathy for both people in this relationship -- how else are we supposed to help them?

i do applaud those of you who've admitted to your own adulterousness on here. i'm more likely to listen to your thoughts than from those who spew the company line of "cheating is wrong and cheaters never change," blah blah.

try and see the nuance, people. try to stop thinking you're so perfect. it's not that easy.

fugly, old women (such as you) being so angry at your own corpulence and the pathetic situation you call your life. It sucks to be you.

You were, though, weren't you. And for obvious reasons your wife was smart enough to be getting it from a lot better "men" than you (like the garbageman, pizza delivery boy, etc. All a big step up). Unless the whole marriage thing was a lie? Do you ever put forth any information about yourself that ain't a lie?

By the way, thin people find you revolting. Plus, I bet you're obese. Finally, those Duke lacrosse players should spend some of their settlement on plastic surgery. They are some fugly dudes. And that Reade guy should spring for a personal trainer. Don't know what he looked like then, but he's a fatty now.

Cheers!

I am not married fatty.

Your wife was fucking two guys: one from Yale, one from Princeton. Tough for you, huh.

cuckold cuckold cuckold

Not only are you an idiot for spelling it wrong while "correcting" someone else, you really ought to know how to spell a word that happened to you, and probably continues to happen, all the time.

because your life is stool, don't project it to everyone else.

I can tell you that lots of us here are thin and fit, including myself, and we all think you're an asshole. It has nothing to do with fatness, which is your personal obsession and just your bizarre way of attempting (pathetically) to get back at people who call you on whatever. In this case, you bitched about the way someone spelled a word. Unfortunately for you, you happened to be incorrect. People who snidely correct other people had better be getting it right, which you didn't. You could just have easily kept your virtual piehole shut, but you didn't. Therefore, you look like a fucking idiot, once again. Again, this has nothing to do with obesity. Get it through your head. No one here likes you, or has one iota of respect for anything you have to say. I would bet my life that if Olympic athletes in top condition had to spend more than ten minutes with you, they would be feeling quite disgusted. Deal with your own assholishness, or else accept being the laughingstock here.

another angry fatty, just like you. Advancing age and being overweight are your problem. Hags like you can't deal with pragmatism and practicality. Go eat your 1/2 of chunky monkey and play with your tabby.

It sounds like someone out there is criticizing you for being a moron.

angry fatty.

Actually, it's "cuckold", you idiot. Remember, besides being unable to reason and act like a normal, emotionally mature human being, you can't spell for shit.

A friend of my wife's got married. She never moved in with her husband. Never slept with him, for all we know. They were 'married' for just under a year... They finally 'divorced'...

She married again, and all is well... She actually moved in, had several kids...

Why mention that? The first 'husband' had enough sense to bail... (It took him a LONG time, but he eventually did)

Divorcing and keeping custody of the daughter seems your only out.

She *might* get a clue that the grass she is married to is where she belongs and not grazing on other patches of turf...

One other alternative: Expose the affair through a well trusted third party. Play the 'shocked' husband. Grind this 'John' into the rocks... Play the grieving husband trying to 'save our marriage' and John 'stepped in to try to sweep her out of what you were trying to save'...

It would shame her, hopefully, and stop 'John' and provide a local 'scarlet letter' on the forehead of your 'wife'...

You could also loose her, but you have already done that in so many ways that it's hardly a loss...

The bottom line has to be 'Can I trust her' and the answer is staring you in the face...

Your average guy may expect some physical contact, but there are definitely exceptions. Suggesting there are no men who would thrive on platonic attachment is just a sexist generalization.

Also, emotional affairs are very different from physical ones. The consequences are certainly quite different. No unwanted pregnancies. No std's to worry about. In my book that makes them a lot more harmless.

Most people don't get it that "wanting" someone can be a lot more intense and exciting than actually getting what you wished for.

(A man.)