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• Tuesday, July 10, 2007 11:16 PM

  Yet again, Cary gives bad advice to a man

  When will the male half of the planet learn not to ask Cary Tennis for advice in a matter where there is a woman with a competing interest? He won't help you, guys. He won't even see you. He'll see right through you to that woman, and he'll distort his advice to you in order to address her needs.

  So you're crazy because you love her? That's a nice way to put you on the same footing as your cheating wife, who is really, actually crazy. That's also crap. You're keeping the faith. You're abiding by your vows. She's the cheating whore.

  Next time, write to Dan Savage. He'd have told you DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) in about a tenth of the space Cary wasted in trying to undermine you and promote your wife's agenda.

  She wants you to stick around, as a walking wallet, a source of security, and a perpetual victim. Don't.

  Instead, get the trump cards into your hand, fast. Get the meanest, best lawyer you can and do what he tells you. Get the house, if you can. Get custody of the daughter. At the very least, ask your lawyer how to avoid being thrown out of your own house. Expect your wife to attempt false allegations of abuse as a way to do that, and make sure you're covered. Sometimes it is advisable to seek representation from the county attorney by asking for a protective order, on whatever basis. It'll probably be denied, but at least the county attorney cannot then represent your wife.

  Fight for your life. Win. And then get therapy, to understand how this happened and how to recover from it.

  I've been where you are, and I know it's hard to hear, but the advice above is the very best thing you can do for all concerned. If you want to discuss this further, let me know in this thread.

  —welcomerain Read welcomerain's other letters
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