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...is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
1. You knew that she had carried on an emotional affair with her first husband, and that it deeply hurt him.
2. You knew that the chase was more attractive than the catch for her, because once she was free and clear to pursue Bill, she didn't.
3. You knew that she had an emotional affair during marriage No. 2, and
4. You knew that she was trying to manipulate her way out of having said so.
5. You have been monitoring your wife's phone habits on and off for TEN YEARS.
6. You have evidence that there is another emotional affair going on, and
7. You are witnessing her trying to manipulate her way out of admitting that.
8. Her offering in working on your marriage is to retain her "friendship" with John. That is what she is willing to bring to the table to try to make your marriage a healthy one.
What is it, exactly, that you are looking for in a relationship? A lab rat that you can observe from afar? What have you gotten out of the last ten years of your marriage? Are you going to write a dissertation on the correlation between your phone bill and the frequency of your fights? Who gives a shit? Your life is passing you by while you choose to remain stuck in these manipulative control games.
You have some major tunnel vision going on. Get some space and clear your head, if not for your own sake, then for the sake of your children who are going to grow up thinking that love means getting to the phone bill before their partner does.