Letters to the Editor
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What the hell are you thinking?
Number one, unless you all work at a sex-toy store or something, what in the hell are you doing discussing the details of your sex lives at work? I've had a lot of different jobs and a lot of different bosses, and the subject of my/their sex lives just doesn't come up.
Number two, this girl's a train wreck. Yes, you can want to help her. No, you can't do it personally. She will not accept you as one because you are the wife of the man she wants to get in bed.
Number three, you know if you bring this girl into your home, she will stop by drunk and high at 2 am. You said so yourself. You do not want this to happen. You have young children living there. SO DON'T BRING HER INTO YOUR HOME.
Number four, this girl really wants your husband, for whatever complicated reasons. You don't know if she's REALLY into BDSM, or if she suddenly developed an interest in it as a way to get his attention. (My guess is the latter--not that I have experience with this, but I don't think people go from being nineteen-year-old virgins to being into leather just like that.)
Number five, it doesn't matter if you're poly-whateverous and like to wrap yourselves in silly string and peacock feathers when you do it. There's an old rule that goes, "Never fuck anyone with more problems than you." Never let your spouse do that either.
Number six, this girl needs to learn how to develop her OWN boundaries, not for your husband or anyone else to keep her out of trouble in some (sexual or otherwise) dominant-submissive relationship.
Number seven, I wouldn't trust your husband as far as I could throw him.