Letters to the Editor
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A friend years ago
was in this position, and she carefully explained that "there are some people who think smoking pot is fine, and some people who think that it's bad. When it came time to make the rules, they argued about it and the people who thought it was bad won and made it against the law. But the people who still thought it was fine kept right on doing it, and Mommy is one of those people. Mommy is careful not to get caught by the other people, but Mommy understands that there is nothing wrong with pot even though other people are afraid of it." And she went on to discuss what false scary "facts" her kid's DARE program fed them and answer all their questions. She also said that like drinking, it's important not to smoke pot until you're an adult (21+), and that she still was not going to let them smoke or drink until then (on that point she was strict).
Cary was right on the money here. The kid wants his mom back. And when he confronts her about the pot, she acts guilty and runs and hides, thereby abandoning him again. She seems to carry a lot of guilt, perhaps about this or because of depression or other issues, and the boy is picking up on it like a shark with blood. He thinks he's on to something, that he must be right. Instead of cowering and acting guilty, she needed to sit down with him and explain age limits, civil disobedience, and the proper way not to draw the attention of the police (as a nice police officer once did for me!).
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Pot is not a pain killer; it's anti-nausea,anti-dizziness medicine.
It's for nausea. Jeez people, get it right. I have back pain, and friends/family who have had surgery for L4/7 bulges, herniated disks, the works. POT is not the illegal substance for back pain- that would be an opiate. The friends I have who use it medically use it for radiation/chemotherapy side effects, inner ear problems, and MS. All other explanations have no scientific validity. The mother is full of it.
I find the people deriding a drug-free life while pleading for mj legalization funny. Some people can not handle pot, and some can. Some people can get addicted to peanut butter, and get high on cheap perfume. Anything can be addicting, and some people DO get addicted to pot. Everything in extreme doses causes problems; that includes weed. Some people can not handle moderation.
Stoner Mom is not functional. She has, apparently, no sense of moderation. She can't control it to keep it from the son. The hubby told HER to leave home and come back with a plan to "make it better", which implies he's not exactly accepting.
The son is threatening to leave- that's a big blinking neon light. She has not held a job, leaving the burden of supporting the family to her husband without contribution of taking care of care-intensive little kids (taking care of little ones is a good trade off for staying at home). She's following the Deadhead tours with a 13 year old and a 15 year old at home. That just screams of bad judgement.
Having lived around stoners and crackheads (inner city/segregated Louisiana-I escaped, thank God) I have no sympathy for the mom. Stoners are boring, selfish, inane, and irresponsible. Cheech and Chong movies are not fun as a lifestyle choice.
I suspect the people here who are the most vicious in ripping on people who don't toke can't really handle pot. They have made it more important than it should be. Once you conflate legalizing mj with fighting Jim Crow, you have proven you have no common sense. Jim Crow violated the constitution, led to lynching, and violated a definable group's civil rights based solely on a characteristic one has no control over. People CHOOSE to smoke pot. It is NOT linked to the ability to vote, be equally employed, etc.
DARE isn't very effective or SCARY, so the people blaming it for exaggeration are funny. I know kids who've grown up around crackheads. DARE is a joke for them. Suburban priviledged navel gazers screaming about how DARE is frightening their kids should take their kids for a drive in a disputed gang territory at night. THAT is scary. Take them to a public meeting in a gang area, or a funeral for an innocent victim of a gang shoot out. THAT's scary. DARE is nothing.
If you want it legalized, vote for representatives who will legalize it at the federal level. It's that simple. I want ganga legalized because I have relatives with cancer who need it, and because taking the "cool" outlaw cachet away will lessen the instances of "binging". I'm not going to refute the reality of people's addictions and how it hits them. I do think criminalization has not worked, and is wasting resources that could go elsewhere.
Bottom line, the LW should refuse to intervene, and should point the teen at Alateen. She should be around. She should also pray stoner mom's husband does not leave, because in some states they drug test before they give you job help, and some judges in family court are doing that too (I know it has happened in Georgia and Texas family court cases because I know people who got custody as a result).
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Depressing number of middle-aged stoners here
LOL, is this really representative of Salon readership? (If so, it's kinda embarassing, Ms. Walsh.) I don't think marijuana should be criminalized; however that's not the same as endorsing middle-aged and older adults who still sadly hang around in their free time lighting up and thinking they are cool. One of the things I have observed about dope smokers is that THEY always think they are fine and have it all together, and that the dope is just making them relax, but any sober person in the room can see their glazed eyes, slack rambling talk and air-headed behavior. Again, it's usually not a hideous crime against humanity, just stupid (unless you drive, of course).
As far as I understand it, in a couple of states (CA, Oregon and Alaska, I think), you can get permits to smoke medical marijuana, but that's a state thing and the feds don't see eye to eye with the state about this, so you can still get prosecuted at the federal level. Also, that some of the controversy was and is that people would get medical permits for the slightest condition ("I have a hangnail! It really really hurts!), and that appears to be the case with the Mom here.
It's one thing to say that marijuana relieves the nausea of chemo and let's cancer patients eat and deal with their illness. It's another to take it for ANYTHING. As many have pointed out, it's not even appropriate for back pain. Clearly, the Mom has a corrupt physician who simply handed over a medical prescription because she's a doper and likes to get high, not because of a real medical problem. (Hint: if you really have serious back pain, you need to A. see an Orthopedic Surgeon, B. exercise and physical therapy and C. appropriate prescription meds -- not sit around toking up. Certainly not following the Grateful Dead, LOL.)
I think a 15 year old who saw his suffering mother take small amounts of MJ for her terrible pain would not be as harsh as this boy is being. It's pretty clear he's sick and tired of having a stoned, glazed-eyed slacker mom who lays around the house all day. You are not an SAHM if you spend every hour of the day in a drug-fueled stupor. I should add that the husband and the LW have really fallen down on their jobs as spouse and friend if they have sat by and allowed this pathetic juvenile woman who seems to be continually reliving her teen years (following rock bands, etc. instead of having a job) at the expense of her children's lives.
This is also further proof that wealthy white people seem to get away with drug use that would put any minority welfare mom straight into jail or rehab....because they can usually avoid social services, they can hide in their big houses and they have plenty of money to buy their drugs with.
The individuals have observed who are long-time marijuana users, while they may not be killing or knifing anyone for their habit, are often sort of sadly detached from their lives, and often stuck in very passive situations, where the MJ helps them avoid change or growth. The only thing that seems to get their passionate interest is when you challenge the legality of their drug of choice -- boy, then (as here), the passive smoker turns into a vocal social critic, on a dime.
If marijuana laws are wrong, then protest, march, vote, write your Congresspersons and make your voice heard. But the way to fight a law you feel is wrong is not to skulk about in your backyard, toking up in front of your kids. Alcohol is legal, but it would be equally wrong to get drunk into front of your children. If the Mom in this story was really a responsible user, she would get high in places and at times where her children were not around -- when they were at friend's houses or when she was out of town. The fact that she can't discipline herself to do this is glaring proof that this is NOT something she has "under control", but that it's a dependency that has HER in its grip. Marijuana is psychologically addictive after prolonged use.
Also, what seems left out of this story curiously is the Dad's role. Is he also using dope in front of the kids? Or is he clean? Why is he enabling this woman to live this frivolous lifestyle, not working and following rock bands around? BTW: if by some chance the Mom did get sent to jail (unlikely), the boys would NOT be in foster care, since they have a father in the home, and probably some grandparents and other relatives as well.
It is worth considering that even if the state of California turns a blind eye to marijuana use, that is not true in most other states, so the Mom (or any of the stoners posting here) need to exercise some caution when traveling or visting other areas. It's still illegal most places. And most work places won't tolerate it, and test for it -- probably why the Mom can't hold a job -- do you guys honestly want someone high on dope doing brain surgery on you? flying the airplane you are on? driving in the car in the next lane? Gee, didn't think so.