Letters to the Editor
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She's known her friend for twenty years
That counts for a lot, I'll guess. And I'd be more on the side of those who think the kid's just being your standard adolescent pain-in-the-keister if not for the LW's closing statement, where she admits that from her perspective the pot-smoking friend could really stand to take a look at her own life.
I've been in chronic pain myself (herniated disk) and I can tell you it's a special kind of hell that people who haven't experienced chronic pain can only begin to imagine. I pray you never have chronic pain yourselves. But at the same time, it's BS if this person with chronic pain is self-medicating with pot as if that's the best, or even truly helpful, treatment. Somebody with chronic pain NEEDS to work with those who can help figure out a solid course of treatment -- you can't feel or think clearly when you're in constant pain -- and it sure doesn't seem like this person is getting that kind of help. Or seeking that kind of help.
If the LW thinks her friend is evasive in her behavior, and that this evasiveness is symbolic of not just her pot use but other things, she (the LW) may very well be on to something. As for the kid who wants to move out at 16 -- regardless of those who wanna jump on his self-righteous case, he'll be moving out in a few years regardless and if the mother really wants to have a solid relationship with her son, she'll need to deal with him, honestly and with some small amount of respect as well.
There are a lot of Salon posters who don't stay close to their own parents and I'm sure they have all sorts of very good reasons they moved the hell far away from their family as soon as they were able to.
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The problem is lying, treacherous government, not Mom's medicine
After reading 3 pages of responses, I'm amazed no one has made the obvious point: THE LAW IS WRONG! And evil liars have turned this poor woman's son into a hitler-youth informer by filling his head with their evil lies.
Cannabis is an effective medicine for many ailments (including Mom's chronic pain), can be grown easily by anyone, and has fewer side effects than most pharmaceuticals (save one - it makes you feel good!). Like most medicines, however, it isn't for everyone, and should be treated with respect and care.
So why is it illegal? Why are hundreds of thousands of otherwise law-abiding citizens in jail for using a natural medicine from a plant? Well, who gains from prohibition? The law enforcement industry (police, courts, jails, probation officers) gain a steady supply of non-violent clients; the Federal government gains another lever of power over the people and source of funds to expand this power through enforcement (DEA, ONDCP); the pharmaceutical industry gains clients for its expensive concoctions through the forced destruction of a natural medicine; the petro-chemical industry gains from the suppression of competition from a natural source of fiber and oil, and the forest products industry gains from the suppression of an agricultural fiber source which could replace its environmentally-destructive wood harvest. It seems clear to me that the prohibition of cannabis is the result of a conspiracy of law enforcement and corporatist interests.
Who loses? Farmers, especially small farmers, who could grow hemp as an environmentally-friendly cash crop. We all lose respect for the law and for our government, which is, after all, supposed to protect us, not persecute us for the profit of predatory interests. Families lose because children are turned against their parents by lying indoctrination (DARE), in much the same way as the Nazis turned children into informers against their parents. And mostly, sick people lose access to a medicine which relieves pain and symptoms of many chronic conditions such as cancer, MS, glaucoma, and depression.
I feel sorry for this poor young man, whose natural youthful zeal and energy have been misused and appropriated to divide him from both his parents and the truth by unscrupulous and destructive prohibitionist policies. I feel angry at a government which is predatory, and grows increasingly so. And I feel sick at heart over the people who have internalized the lies and blame the victims, rather than the perpetrators.
And I'm sad that your advice, Mr. Tennis, despite Mom's obtaining a legal medicinal cannabis prescription, is for Mom to put aside her medicine. This appears to me to be supporting the worst elements in our society and their lies. Try telling the truth, and let this young man work it out, rather than fuzzily pandering to his bad ideas, put in his head by the fascists (yes, let's call a spade a spade) who would make us inhabit their cramped, soulless, mundane, unimaginative, fearful, violent, authoritarian mental world.
Peace and Love, and healing to the Nations!
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not about the mother
this story is not about the mother. it's about the kid. the kid can't change the mother, cary can't change the mother, we can't change the mother. efforts to do so are probably doomed. not shielding the mother from the consequences of her choices are most likely to enhance her motivation and help her “become ready” to change.
i ran a drug treatment program for 6 years. family members of my clients often came to me to discuss their "new lives". the vast majority were hurt and disappointed when their loved ones did not change. of course, they may have changed - stopped using - in some future treatment episode. but not this time. so after a while i started encouraging families to plan their lives as if their loved ones would not change. in fact, i think this is a pretty good guideline for most of us.
the kid has to plan his life as if his mother is not going to change. that doesn't have to mean moving out.
the LW should keep in mind that research shows kids are tremendously resilient. kids in much tougher circumstances have gone on to become successful and happy.
research also shows that a major factor in this resilience is a relationship with one caring, stable adult. that doesn't require living together or even daily contact. it requires exposure to a different way of life: dependability, consistency.
the LW can make a big difference in the kid's life without major changes in anyone's living situation.
the LW should tell THE KID exactly what he thinks and how he feels. the mother probably knows already.