Letters to the Editor
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Sympathy for the mom
I don't think it's necessarily clear that the son is right. I was in the D.A.R.E. program myself as a 5th grader, and they have perfected the art of scaring kids shitless. They get them early enough that tales of ruined lives / car wrecks / crack whoredom make a big impression, enough to give a 10 year old some awful nightmares. And they push "zero tolerance" so hard that it's difficult for kids to distinguish between junkie horror shows and Mom having a glass of wine.
It sounds like the mom's pot smoking has become problematic, but it also seems like the son is making unreasonable threats, while showing zero compassion for her pain issues. According to the LW, the mom truly is in pain, with quote, "unholy back problems." She fears addiction to pills. And truthfully, for people who are forced to make the awful choice between dependency and constant pain, there are worse choices than marijuana.
The LW also indicates that the son would discover his mom's continued use by finding a pipe or whatever: "the son discovered a pipe, in-your-face evidence that Mom still smokes." In other words, the son may not have realized his mom was still smoking until he found evidence. It doesn't sound like she is baked and despondent all day. While Cary's description of a checked out mom is poignant, it may not be reality.
Mom shouldn't lie to her kid, but it also strikes me as reprehensible that a teenager would threaten to leave unless she submits to his view of right and wrong. To me, these demands and threats and power plays are only defensible if the teen's life has become intolerable -- for example, if mom were a raging alcoholic -- but it's not at all clear to me that her pot smoking has become a comparable offense.
The matter of what mom should do is, unfortunately, a different story. She may be forced to submit to these demands and manage her pain with legal drugs, or simply take nothing, for the sake of her family. It sounds like she might benefit from addressing her dependency on marijuana -- and it may be her only option anyway. But I still think it's extremely unfortunate that the kid is having this overblown reaction, and I think it's unfair of us to judge the mom as a neglectful, selfish junkie when it's not at all clear that it's the case.