Letters to the Editor
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not about the mother
this story is not about the mother. it's about the kid. the kid can't change the mother, cary can't change the mother, we can't change the mother. efforts to do so are probably doomed. not shielding the mother from the consequences of her choices are most likely to enhance her motivation and help her “become ready” to change.
i ran a drug treatment program for 6 years. family members of my clients often came to me to discuss their "new lives". the vast majority were hurt and disappointed when their loved ones did not change. of course, they may have changed - stopped using - in some future treatment episode. but not this time. so after a while i started encouraging families to plan their lives as if their loved ones would not change. in fact, i think this is a pretty good guideline for most of us.
the kid has to plan his life as if his mother is not going to change. that doesn't have to mean moving out.
the LW should keep in mind that research shows kids are tremendously resilient. kids in much tougher circumstances have gone on to become successful and happy.
research also shows that a major factor in this resilience is a relationship with one caring, stable adult. that doesn't require living together or even daily contact. it requires exposure to a different way of life: dependability, consistency.
the LW can make a big difference in the kid's life without major changes in anyone's living situation.
the LW should tell THE KID exactly what he thinks and how he feels. the mother probably knows already.