Letters to the Editor
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Strewth
Can't you be nice to the woman? Make friends with her? Cook them a meal? What is wrong with the LW?
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Tell them
It goes like this: When we signed on for the roommate, we signed on for the daughter, not a mother and daughter. Had we known we were getting both, we would not have agreed to rent this room to the daughter. They have overstepped, they have misled you and they must be told to make an alternate arrangement. I speak here as a mother: It's unwholesome and wrong.
Further, you did not agree to have a seriously ill roommate. This is not an unkind thing to say. It's just that you are not equipped to deal with such a serious illness or a mother.
They absolutely know that this is not what you had in mind when you were looking for a roommate and they are counting on your spinelessness to keep the status quo.
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Wear a breastplate!
Here's what I've learned from conflicts that I've been involved in: most people fight dirty. When you stand up for yourself in a way that interferes with their will. they call you names, distort the truth, tell outright lies to and about you, and often feel totally justified in doing so because they've put you in some category of otherness like "fucking weirdo" or "bastard" that means they no longer have to consider you as a human being. Instead of retaliating, I think it's best to use the legitimate weapons at your disposal, such as the roommate agreement Cary suggested, or the landlord, or the cops, and if by fighting dirty they end up 'winning', then just get out of there. I'd take my losses an move house, as I did myself recently.
I read somewhere, and I can't remember where, that if my enemy attacks me and I retaliate, it's as if they fired an arrow at me that I caught and plunged into my own heart. If they attack me and I get angry but don't retaliate, it's as if they fired an arrow that bounced off my breastplate and went back into my enemy's heart. And if my enemy attacks me and I don't get angry at all, it's as if they fired an arrow and it went straight into their own heart. I'm not enough of a saint to achieve the third one, but I do my best to rise to the second.
It can be hard to forgive people who've won an unjust victory over you, and it's in such situations that religious ways of looking at things start to make sense to me again. Anyway, your situation hasn't yet escalated to the extent I'm envisaging here, and here's hoping it won't.
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Genius!
"there are alarming similarities between moms and seasoned con artists."
A line worthy of Mr. Blue.
Seriously, if you must go away, HIRE a friend to stay in your place while you're gone.
Something sounds very fishy with these two. If you can afford it, a private detective might be in order.
Have you informed your travelling housemates what they've inflicted on the household?
How does the landlord feel about it? I wouldn't like it a bit. Very weird indeed.
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huh.
not sure where you live or what the local ettiquette is for subletters there. but in neither of the coastal cities i've lived in would i ever even think of having my mother move in, and would be shocked if anyone else did. i'm even weird about having my parents stay (though they did once, when my roommate was a very good, very old, friend).
one thing is for sure: if there are two people staying where there was originally supposed to be just one, you are *definitely* entitled to collect extra rent. and extra person uses extra water, extra utilities, takes up the bathroom, uses the tv, etc. if you'd wanted a couple, you'd have looked for one (and charged more for it).
it might be time to ask for, and set, a deadline. and i agree with suggesting a hotel. if this girl is able to go out and leaves her mom alone, well, that's just crap.
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Never Sublet
Talk to the landlord. This is one reason why there is usually a "no subletting" clause in leases.
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tell them to leave
I don't know what kind of mother Carey had, but mine certinally wasn't the manipulative creep he describes...
I think whats important here is that you talk to them bluntly and honestly. You aren't obligated to be nice, nor should you be feeling guilty about your annoyance. The girl is sick. If she is so sick that her mother must attend her, then entering into a roomate situation was inappropriate. She should have sought alternative arrangements, rather than assume you would be fine with an extra, significantly OLDER roomate whom you had never met.
You should tell them point blank that while you are sympathetic that the girl is so ill her mother must stay with her, you feel that it is inappropriate for them to both stay at the house. Ask by what date the mother is planning on leaving, pressure her for a SPECIFIC date, and then hold them to it. If the date is unreasonable, tell them that you will not mind if they have to make alternative arrangements, and that you will be happy to refund her bond.
They are taking advantage of you whether they are aware of it or not. Make it clear that you feel the situation is unacceptable, and make them give you a concrete timeframe for the mother's departure. Mention to them that when you, and your other roomate's parents visist they have ALWAYS stayed at a hotel, and as such, you are uncomforatble with the mother staying there. Don't feel bad about it though. They may think you are a jerk, and incredibly rude. The truth is, however, that THEY are incredibly rude for simply assuming that this situation would be other than in imposition upon you. The roomates illness is not your problem. If it is so grave that she needs 24/7 assistance, then she should not be living with you. Don't let them make you feel bad.