Letters to the Editor
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on the word "immature"...
whoa, hold on...
you think that this young woman is "insecure, immature little girl"?
and you're considering this relationship to be worthy of sacrificing career goals??
let me tell you something-- if you don't WORSHIP this woman, and find her fabulous and confident, brilliant, interesting and wise now... you two are not ready for each other, you do not DESERVE her (even if you like her/*parts* of her a lot), and your relationship probably won't last, especially through the stress of moving (which will bring up and out issues in any relationship, i can say from experience).
so, my little condescending science man... let this woman go out into the world, on her own, without your "tutoring", and find her own mojo in berkeley. stay in touch, part well, and maybe in a few years, you'll find that geography brings you back together. maybe in a few years, she'll have grown into someone that you love and respect even more. or, maybe she will have grown beyond your relationship.
chances are that when she told you that she wanted to pursue her career first, it was a subtle way of letting you know that she expects you to do the same. from your discussion it sounds like you've both left a lot unsaid in this relationship. maybe what you are afraid of is that she won't want to be with you after those few years apart... and that's her right.
let her go. TALK to her candidly about your worries, hang-ups, and desire to be with you. it sounds like you have some learning to do of your own in the relationship-communication department, and i bet someone in toronto does, too.
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Go to Toronto.
If in fact your girlfriend has only recently graduated from college (and is now entering graduate school), and the postdoctoral position is perfect for you, I have to disagree with Cary. Of course there is a risk the position in Toronto could turn out to be terrible, but there is probably a greater risk, unfortunately, that your relationship with a very young woman doesn't survive California. Talk it over with her, but you probably ought to take the position in Toronto and keep in touch. You'll be in Toronto for only a few years, and she'll be in Berkeley during that time, and maybe after that it'll be time to plan decisions as a couple.