Letters to the Editor
-
Two body problem
in the classic sense refers to couples who both pursue academic careers. That is not at hand, yet. One of you is still a student. Commuter relationships are common amongst those with this problem, which is related to academic hiring. A couple in the same field is the most challenging of 2 body problems.
With a 2 body problem, love almost always involves a period of separation.
I have to disagree with most of what Cary said, since the question was framed in relationship to the '2 body problem', even if there isn't one yet. You have to have a commitment to have the problem, and this question is about making a commitment by diffusing the problem.
The girlfriend may not understand this conflict, as her mother folded to it. There was no negotiation, just a sacrifice for the more substantial career/talent. A mature young woman with some relationship experience and an understanding of the two body problem would never see this postdoc circumstance as an obstacle, but as a stepping stone.
I won't bother to explain in detail, but without reservation can say Take the Postdoc. Postdocs are invariably temporary and if your girlfriend is as serious about her research/career as she professes to be, she would do the same in a heartbeat.
Ask yourself this question: Did I pursue a doctorate to follow someone else's career?
Also, unless you are at a equally prestigious program, her Berkeley PhD is going to be WAY more valuable than yours. Nothing you've written suggests you want to be the trailing spouse, and if she wants to role reverse her parents' marriage, I can see no better reason to head for the hills and fulfill your own ambitions. By all means have a good cry and if your relationship is a meaningful one, she will have a desire (and perhaps the ability) to sustain it.