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Dear LW, you've made a fairly common mistake. You are a man with needs which are at odds with a woman's needs. Cary will always and invariably reach right past your needs and make hers predominate.
That's what he did here. Since you love her, he argues, you will go with her. What about if she loves you? That question would never occur to him. He will betray your interests in her favor. For whatever reason, he does this a lot, and always along these gender lines. Ignore him. He's a jerk.
For what it's worth, I'd advise you to follow your career. There are three billion women on the planet; more than one of them is likely to be a good match. If things don't work out in Berkeley (and the fact that she's a superannuated child suggests that they won't), you will have passed up something important.
Your career is yours forever. Women come and go.
