Dump him. Get out and enjoy your life again. You're more educated than him, you're more worldly, your humor is more sophisticated. Don't stick around just because there's this temporary sense of being "happy and content". How happy and content will you be five years from now, watching the fabulous life you've left behind continuing on without you, while you go to bed every night with Prince Valium?

There's still time to settle down... later. Take advantage of your youth. 36 is hardly ancient. If anything, your illness should be a clarion call to enjoy your good health while you still have it. The fact you have a desire to relive your promiscuous days says one huge thing: you've not yet sowed all your wild oats. And regardless of what Cary says, they don't stop just because you leave your twenties. If you fantasize about cheating, then you're going to cheat. So don't. Dump this nice guy -- as gently as you can -- but walk away. Otherwise it'll be too late.

"Dump him. Get out and enjoy your life again. You're more educated than him, you're more worldly, your humor is more sophisticated. Don't stick around just because there's this temporary sense of being "happy and content".

More educated and worldly? This woman sounds dizzier than your average high-school honors student. A college degree does not an education make. She wants to dump a nice, responsible man because he doesn't show enough interest in painting. She wants to resume a life of "risky promiscuity" and sleep around at the age of 36. Sophisticated?

And I love how you put "happy and content" in quotes, as if those were unimportant things in life....less important than the sophisticated, worldly excitement of fingerpaints and one-night stands.

"The fact you have a desire to relive your promiscuous days says one huge thing: you've not yet sowed all your wild oats."

No, it says she has unresolved emotional issues, probably involving one or both parents.

I do recommend that she dumps the guy, but only for his sake. It sounds like he definitely deserves better.

Is the problem him, or is the problem that you aren't doing what you want to do anymore? That's not him, that's you. I say take Cary's advice.

I feel similarly about my guy, and here's what happened: we were at my parents for the first time, and both of my parents criticized my toenail polish. Sounds stupid, but it was more crap and criticism over stupid shit that didn't matter to anyone but my parents. And it made me feel bad.

My guy walked over to me and quietly said, "I think your toes look pretty."

I have never been so in love with him.

he does sound lovely. and that is so important. but so is basic compatibility, right? it doesn't sound like you're seeking something superficial or flighty, or that you need him to be all things. it just sounds like - although you may love him - you're not really in love with him. and with your recent reminders of your mortality - as well as cary's reminder that this is the only life you get - don't you owe it to yourself to find true love? someone who makes your toes curl AND is still there for you when you need him?

i don't understand why so many people settle for less, but i do think it's a big reason for the exorbitantly high divorce rate. if you're not in a hurry to settle down to have kids, why not see what else is out there for a while? if you don't, i think you'll always wonder. . .

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind?

Seriously, LW, you have had a series of events that should have blasted away the notion that life is carefree and totally in your control, and you still seem to think that you can go back to some ignorance-is-bliss part of your life.

For example, how many people really aspire to promiscuity these days? Not because of the morality aspect, but because of the health aspect. I'm not saying that everyone should just reach for the first "clean" partner they can find, but being nostalgic for promiscuity is a little creepy.

Your current partner has stuck by you through some tough times. The only thing bad you seem to be able to say about him is he's not totally interested in your painting. Are you kidding? This is great! Who wants someone you live with totally in your face about your work all the time. There are a lot of people out there who will critique your work and know all the stuff you are talking about.

Think about it. Boyfriend pretty much leaves you to paint - doesn't talk about it, doesn't bother you too much about it. That means you actually have to paint! But go ahead and get a bunch of friends who will sit around with you and talk for hours and hours about the soul of the artist and the theory of art and blah, blah, blah. I've known a lot of perfectly good artistic careers that were ruined by hanging around with exciting, educated, NEUROTIC people.

If you really have fantasies about sex with other people, and refer to your relationship as "half a decade" long instead of five years (which sounds less odious) then maybe you should leave this guy. It's possible you have a lot of crisis-free years left to you and you have the right to enjoy them if you want to. No one here can tell you that you're wrong to want this. But I think you just want to get back to a time when you were not "broken." It doesn't work. Believe me, I've tried it myself and it is never the same.

If you can't make the present situation work, so be it. But you can't go back to previous behavior and expect it to inspire all the feelings it used to. But good luck trying.

And no, most people never stop daydreaming. I've always thought daydreaming was good for the soul.