Letters to the Editor
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On second thought:
The words "rude jerk" constitute an oxymoron. Sorry.
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I agree with LW...
While I'll never agree that a woman deserves a "good slapping" for what she wears to work, I think that much of what the LW is responding to isn't the t-shirt, but the over familiarity that now exists in the workplace.
Once upon a time everyone learned about everyone else's dirty laundry through whispered gossip and pointed looks. Now folks practically take out billboards to advertise the inner workings of their personal drama.
If sitcom workplaces have taught us anything, its how to turn a cube farm into our very own stage. We display everything, from our verbose angst over this or that coworker to personal tidbits about our marriages and spouses.
"Kitty Not Happy" is another way for the coworker to bitch, to get attention, to star in her very own drama. Maybe LW is just tired of being an extra who can't find a way off the stage.
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Err...I don't know...
Wearing a t-shirt to work at an office is inappropriate. A man who work a t-shirt saying "John Thomas Not Happy" would probably be in trouble (even if the slogan were underneath a drawing of two early presidents, Adams and Jefferson, frowning). The "Kitty Not Happy" shirt is unquestionably bringing sexual matter into the office, which I think every and all offices these days have policies against. That she intended this was pretty much verified when she responded "You sound sexy when you speak French." Imagine a female co-worker complaining that a male was being too sexually explicit in his apparel, and his responding with that line, and what that would cost him!
LW goes way too far with the slapping comment. But that aside, he makes a somewhat good point. The mitigating factor is, of course, that the office supervisor is not complaining and thus it's a non-issue.
I like Cary's response as an independant editorial. I agree with him, kinda sorta (the business world sucks, even though I don't think businesses should be made into democracies, or are the appropriate places to wage culture wars). But I don't think he really answered the guy's question.
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What's the problem, again?
Am I the only one who likes it when when women dress attractively? Or are adults supposed to pretend we're not sexually motivated?
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Offstage?
He won't find his way off stage by getting into a cat fight.
However, the young woman need only mention her marital problems in one of two circumstances. The first would be if she was involved in serious domestic violence that might result in her husband coming to her place of work with a shotgun. The second would be when she is actually divorced. A polite announcement will keep coworkers from wishing her and husband well at holiday times.
However, she isn't the one asking Cary's advice.
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LW's too sexy for his shirt.
"I made her immediate supervisor aware, but she seemed unconcerned. The supervisor normally has reasonable judgment, and as evidence of this I can cite the fact that she named her youngest child after me."
Come on, LW, you sound like you have a great sense of humor. AND you sound sexy when you scold Kitty in French! Lighten up and have some fun at work!
(I have no doubt it will make "Cary Happy.")
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Christopher1988,
I have to admit that I don't get your John Thomas reference. Am I just hopelessly naive?
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I'm with mizmoon and Afro Goddess
Nobody wants to know about that shit. Since when does "being an adult" meaning wanting to have the sexual predilections of everyone you meet displayed on easy-to-read t-shirts? Dogs are supposed to go around sniffing asses, not humans. And even more offensive than the sexual aspect is the desperate culture of exhibitionist sloganeering that breeds this nonsense. If you really have to vent about certain situations in your personal life, there's this old-fashioned remedy called "conversations," people used to have them with friends and family members. Other than that, keep it to yourself, especially when you're at the hamster wheel and other people are trying to spin.
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Don't let the man get you down!!!
Wow, I don't often agree with Cary's advice/responses, but he hit the nail on the head with that one. The question asker, on the other hand, probably ought to get a life. Who cares if her shirt is inappropriate? I mean, does it really, truly, negatively impact your productivity because her shirt has a sexy double meaning? It's bad enough that you felt it necessary to say something yourself, but the fact that you actually went to a supervisor about it is just pathetic and controlling. So yes, you are an old fogey, and you need to lighten way the hell up. Cary seems to have forgotten to say that part. Now we know why I'm not writing Cary's column.
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I'm all for anything
that undermines the modern workplace and leads to generalized chaos, dogs living with cats, matter mixing with anti-matter, and the vexation of small-minded prigs.
LW needs a cockpunch.
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Yes!
Cary, I love you. That was brilliant letter. You made my day.
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Oh brother
I normally don't like to join the usual chorus that wonders aloud why people even make issues out of such minutiae, but in this case...really, LW? This is the most pressing situation in your world? Enough so that you wrote an advice columnist?
I can't imagine how difficult it would be to walk through this land of infinite tiny inconveniences and things that rub us oh-so-slightly the wrong way and to take the time and spend the mental spare change to get this annoyed by each one. Exhausting. Look the other way if you don't like it.
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There is a problem if she wears the shirt every day
Then it would start to get smelly and stained.
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Re: Slapping?
Another commenter wrote: "The LW seems to be saying that if he was this woman's husband. he would perceive it as a severe provocation that she was going out in the community wearing a T-shirt proclaiming that she is not getting enough sex. Is that really so far off base?"
A) If by severe provocation you mean slappable offense, as the LW seems to, then yes, it is way off base. Any man who thinks that it is within his rights to slap his wife when she displeases him is way off base. Period.
B) Even so, if this is such a severe provocation of her husband, then shouldn't he be the one writing in, saying "my wife is wearing this horrible t-shirt, what do I do?" What business is it of the LW's that this woman's husband was perhaps provoked by her attire? None.
Maybe this choir-singing, upstanding-parent-having woman just has a sick cat at home. :)