Letters to the Editor
-
If the boss says the t-shirt is not breaking the dress code the LW needs to drop it
That's hilarious. Is that what you would tell a woman who claimed sexual harrassment ? Hypocrite.
-
My t-shirt story
I hadn't thought about this in decades.
When I was about 20, I was playing in an opera orchestra in Europe. (No dress codes, except for performances.) I was a rabid anglophile, and adored my London Underground map t-shirt. Once when I was wearing it, a singer more than twice my age came up leering, said he wanted to "visit Picadilly" and tweaked my nipple. I was disgusted, but everyone told me "German men are just like that." I don't think I wore it again. Yuck.
-
Re: "please stop!"
Indeed. Well said for the most part. The BS is getting kind of thick in here. Of course there couldn't possibly any double meaning, it JUST means Gal. What else could it be? Anybody who thinks otherwise is an old fogey. Right....
Anyway, due to the inevitable people who shows up in lycra stretch pants or ripped t-shirts, in a typical corporate environment there are generally rigid rules around "Casual Friday" dress fare. Often, they won't even allow T-shirts much less ones with phrases on them, because they have to be aware of what not only what the wearer thinks but what his/her colleagues think as well.
-
What do you mean "we", Kemosabe?
WE, the 20-40 year old females, are TELLING YOU that when we say "Kitty" we mean "sassy girl".
I'm 38 and female, and I went to exactly the same place as the LW did (well, minus the assholery and slapping) without any prompting. Never called a woman a kitty in my life. Maybe you have, but to me kitty is a cutesty way of saying "vagina".
"Kitty" just isn't as universally asexual as you seem to think. I suspect that it has a strong relationship to the older slang.
--TR
-
I agree with Anne in NYC
If the manager of "kitty" has no problems with her attire then that should be end of story. Whatever issues the LW has with her shirt is irrelevant. It's his issue, not hers. So in short yes, the LW needs to get real and become more tolerant and try to understand, perhaps, why this bothers him enough to suggest the whole "slapping around" (regardless of whether it's figurative or not).
Corporations and companies dictate dress codes appropriate to their culture and what works for the bottom line -- i.e., whatever will help them make the most $$$. It may be a certain "professional" look so clients will perceive the company and its staff as such and give them more business; it may be a more casual dress code to foster creativity. There are many different ways a company could decide on its dress code. It is the managers' job to ensure their staff adhere to the appropriate dress code to ensure the company's well-being. And if the manager isn't doing his/her job in enforcing the code, then it's his/her boss's job to decide whether the manager should be disciplined.
My suggestion for the LW is to establish his own company where he's the boss then he can tell whoever works for him what they can wear.
-
kitty not happy
Fucking brilliant response Cary Tennis!
-
Flip-Flops
If it helps the guys feel any better, a young woman from the "wrong side of the tracks" where I work was pulled aside and told not to wear "ripped jeans and flip-flops." She rightly pointed out all the management and high-up women in "flip-flops." I think part of what is going on is there is carte blanche for people from a certain upper middle social class background because on them it reads as "creative." I guess it didn't read as "cutting edge" and "creative" on the young woman from the "wrong side of the tracks" and I think the only way people could tell the difference was they already knew she was from the "wrong side of the tracks." Therefore when she wore "flip-flops" management was horrified and didn't even notice all the ripped jeans and flip-flops on the employees from more rarefied backgrounds. Hmm.
-
“Is that what you would tell a woman who claimed sexual harassment?”
Would I tell that woman to get over it?
If her claim of sexual harassment were investigated and found to be bunk you bet I’d tell her to get over it, move along or call her lawyer. I can’t have an employee spending her whole day trying to make trouble for some guy who’s already been cleared.
There are laws against sexual harassment. There are laws against men slapping their wives. But there are no laws against sexy t-shirts with double meanings (Hooter’s anyone?).
-
Dude has serious issues
If he were married to this woman he'd slap her for wearing a sexy T-shirt, even if it were worn inside the home?
There's something seriously wrong with this guy. He says he's not sexually interested in her -- maybe, maybe not.
What is clear that he is thoroughly threatened by her sexuality. It bothers him that she's putting herself on the market. Is he unwilling to accept his attraction because it threatens other aspects of his life? Or maybe he really isn't attracted and bothered by that -- maybe he thinks he should be and is troubled that he isn't, fearing he is gay or has lost the vitality of youth. Or maybe he's jealous that his co-worker might score with this woman, underscoring the lack of passion in his own relationship?
Whatever it is, the guy is obsessing. He admits to talking to her supervisor about it, the supervisor doesn't care, but he can't let it go, so he writes Cary. My guess, unfortunately, is that Cary's response will only frustrate him more, and irritate whatever internal wound this guy has, possibly inflaming his obsession and his hate.
-
I would add: Next time DO NOT talk to employee directly ... go directly to management ...
it's hard for many people to resist "giving advice" or "mentoring" or whatever ... but commenting about someone's attire is considered (or may be considered) not only PERSONAL but EXCESSIVELY PERSONAL and, yes, you can find yourself at the end of the discipilinary receiving line.
I used to work with a young woman who dressed so skimpily that she had a portable heater (against hospital policy) as well as turned up the shared office thermostat year round ...
She was very popular and spent most of each day on the phone with boyfriend, ex-husband, children or chatting with all her work friends ... all male ...
Yes, it was my introduction on how "fun" the "new" workplace is ... word of my problem with the thermostat resulted in my being branded the "meanie" .. I was also picking up all the work she wasn't doing, I was too professional to mention to anyone but our supervisor ... should have been a good to great job -- it sucked.