Letters to the Editor
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Hello Kitty? Naw...
You down with OPP? The last P...well...that's not that simple.
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Oh, dear...
..."a good slapping"?
Please tell me that you haven't reproduced.
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Ok I disagree
Well, I'm going to disagree with everyone here I guess, because this T-shirt does not sound like appropriate work attire to me. Or any T-shirt with a slogan on it, for that matter. Or a T-shirt at all, unless maybe it's casual Friday. I'm thinking in terms of corporate America, not a restaurant job or non-profit gig or any other alternate sort of job environment.
I am a woman, I work happily from my home, and I do find the LW's suggestion that the woman in question needs to be slapped rather appalling, BUT... I would not wear a T-shirt to a corporate job when I was in one and I don't think people should -- men or women.
For those who are missing the double entendre (are you for real?), "kitty" is another word for twat, snatch, box, pussy, vajayjay and whatever other gazillion words there are for it these days.
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Concrete thinking
The LW does not say that he recommends slapping the young woman. Giving someone a good slapping is just a figure of speech. What he is saying, metaphorically speaking, is that this T-shirt must be a great provocation to the husband--which I think is probably true--which could lead to her endangerment.
How many Salon husbands would really be happy to see their wife leaving for work wearing a T-shirt saying Kitty Not Happy? (Presumably only those ones who know that Kitty is a not particularly uncommon nickname for the female genitalia.)
One writer comments that the LW might have mentioned to her the inadvisability of discussing her marital plight at work, but what more obvious spousal put-down could there be than wearing a T-shirt that says Kitty Not Happy?
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I can relate
This is a very meaningful response, Cary. Great job. I too have toiled in a semi-meaningless job for years and years, while trying to continue creative work in the evenings and weekends, and trying not to get too bitter now that full blown middle age is here and things like inadequate retirement, a thin family life, lower energy and concentration, and painfully less cuteness are staring me in the face. I feel the sacrifices have been significant, but the dour and uncreative face of the American workplace makes me feel the creative work has, while making my living situation less stable, certainly helped me very much emotionally. I am pretty solid. I like the person I've become. This life has given me a perch to view our culture, and it's not pretty. Even in the Bay Area, the human response toward sheep-ness in the workplace is surprising. You are one of the lucky ones who got a creative worklife. I'm glad it worked out for you, after all you went through.
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obsessed
He sounds like he's slightly obsessed with his young coworker and I'm sure it creeped her out when he pointed out the "double entendre" of her shirt.
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Jeez, This LW Really Had Me Going There
I kinda understood his concern that the shirt was not appropriate for the office (especially when coupled with her announcement of her troubled marriage). I'm old enough to remember when school and work dress codes included wearing too much makeup and jewelry, and this guy seems old enough to remember those days.
I even understood going to the supervisor. Might as well talk to the person who would do something about it.
However, when it was clear that no one else was bothered by this shirt, at least not enough to make an issue of it, he should have just let it go. But, then he writes to Cary. He says he wants to slap her or anyone in his family who would wear such a shirt.
Cary's answer is great. But did it go to the heart of the matter? It was a great essay on office soul crushing. But what I want to know is why any disagreement with a young women with any type of independence provokes such violent fantasies in some men? Slap someone over a t-shirt? Are you shitting me?
Since it is obvious that the shirt did not violate any office rules, the LW's feelings about the shirt were really just his personal opinion. We all have opinions. I personally hate certain color combinations, certain styles of clothing, certain types of footwear. But slap someone over it? No, not since I was six, if then. It's not even up to me to give them my opinion unless they ask for it.
So I have a piece of advice the LW may not have thought of. Do NOT tell anyone else at work that you feel like slapping the woman over her shirt. THAT is something that might get YOU a call to a supervisor's office. Hell, the young woman herself might pay you a visit and tell you to stuff it. As well she should.
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Policing your peers
What bothers me about this letter is not the shirt, but the idea that you think it's your job to tattle to this woman's supervisor when you think her attire is inappropriate. What happened to worker solidarity? What happened to, we're all stuck here together, living under the same oppressive rules, so let's support each other and help each other out? It's bad enough to work under a corporate authority that dictates how we must dress and how we must behave. We don't need people like you ratting out coworkers when they indulge in small expressions of individuality, or even small rebellions against the rules.
It would be different if your coworker was somehow affecting your work / productivity levels. In that case, you can tell on her if that's the only way to resolve the situation. But I seriously doubt this t-shirt is affecting your ability to do your job. If you're uncomfortable, if you're thinking about a "double meaning," then it's pretty much your problem because we're not talking about nudity here. It's just a phrase that can go either way.
You don't have to share my delight in these small expressions of individuality. You don't have to be one of those "fight the man" types if that's not your style. But if your coworkers are displaying a bit of spunk and boundary-testing, don't be the one who calls the corporate cops on them. The managers will take care of that part, believe me. Just do your job and keep your opinions to yourself.