You are, by definition, making someone do something to appease you. If that is not what you wanted, then you shouldn't have given him one. On the other hand, just because he bowed to your ultimatum doesn't mean he's going to introduce you to his daughters just to appease you. You may have genuinely made him realize that he wants you in his life and this is part of the natural progression of having you in his life.

I don't think that's the case.

Your relationship with your guy had a less than auspicious start - the way I read it, your letter indicates that he was still with the fiance when you started dating. Always, always always a bad sign. At the very least, your guy has incredibly poor decision-making skills. Three years to decide whether the ex-fiance was right for him? Two years to decide whether to introduce you to his daughters? Not to draw unfounded conclusions, but it sounds to me like he's wishy-washy, and won't do anything in life that makes him remotely uncomfortable unless he absolutely has to.

Which leads us to the bigger question. This is your ideal partner? Why you would put up with this? Why the ultimatum? Why not just break it off? The fact that you feel squicky about him capitulating is your gut instinct talking to you. Are you listening? No. In fact, you're further diluting your worth by indicating a willingness to be introduced as a "friend".

LW, you are 50 years old. By now you should know what you want out of life and out of a relationship, and learned not to settle for less. I think you do know. I think that, deep down, you know that this relationship isn't "it". Again, it's why you're not getting any satisfaction out of "winning" the ultimatum. You're staying because you're afraid - it's scary to be 50 and alone, searching for someone. And, after all, your guy's just wishy-washy - nobody's perfect, right?

Leaving aside the issue of kharma (meaning that, in all likelihood, you will float along until your guy meets someone else and he does the same thing to you that he did to his ex-fiance), wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone who is lukewarm about you?

LW, you're worth someone who, even with all his imperfections, will shout from the rooftops how much he cares for you. Who will not only introduce you to friends and family, but make sure you become a part of it. The guy you have? Is not that guy.

Why hasn't he introduced me to his daughters (not as his "girlfriend" but as his friend)?--LW

Why do you want him to introduce you to his daughters only as his friend?--instaquack, er Cary

Okay, so what were you smoking when you were speaking on the phone with your friend? From what I'm reading, she seems to be insulted by the fact that he is only willing to introduce her as his friend. Yeah, I've had a long day.

Two years and you haven't met the daughters? Are you sure he isn't married? Or still with that fiance? Sounds like he is hiding something. I would start looking for a new "friend."

You do not say how old his daughters are. If they are not adults, it is possible that he simply does not want to confuse his daughters who may make assumptions that he has plans for you that he simply does not yet have.

If the daughters are adults, it could be that he simply does not want them to assume he has plans for you, and then they start nagging him about things like prenups.

It could be he is married and you will never meet his daughters. How long have you been waiting now since he agreed to introduce you to them?

What I do not understand is why you are asking Cary to read your boyfriend's mind with benefit of only the scant information you have provided. In his caricature, Cary is not wearing a turban and peering into a crystal ball.

I don't have a turban either. I don't have a crystal ball. I do have some old tarot cards laying around somewhere if you would like me to try to find them.

He hasn't broken things off with the former fiancee. Or he's seeing someone else. Or he's hoping he'll find someone "better" than you. Or all of the above.

In any case, you and the relationship surely aren't priorities for him. Dump him and move on.

If a guy won't bring you into his life after two years, just drop him and move on.

Okay but you're 50, so perhaps you're willing to settle which is understandable.

Something you didn't say was what is the reason he gave you for not introducing you to his family. Did you even ask or did you just assume he should broker an introduction and you weren't going to stay with him if he didn't. Have you met his friends? For a man in mid life, I would take meeting the friends as more important than meeting possibly grown children and elderly parents. Maybe his kids like to pretend daddy will never love anyone other than mommy, without a reason it's really hard to guess, I can understand Cary's problem, too many assumptions to make.

So here's my advise, write back with information regarding his reasons to you of why after two years of dating he'll tell his kids you're just daddy's friend and had to be forced into decision. Is he wishy washy, is he hiding something, perhaps he'll always need a swift kick in the ass? But if he's willing to give in, I can't imagine he's completely indifferent to you.

Without his reason and without knowing if you even asked for one, it's really hard to guage his family relationship and why he may be reluctant to introduce women to his kids.

Plus, I gotta say Cary I really loved seeing a profession writer use the phrase "So I was all like" I find myself doing that often!