Years ago, a dear friend lost her grandmother to a grandson who displayed extremely similar behavior initially (moving in just for a few days, then staying for months, being selfish and callous, etc.). The grandmother eventually died, apparently from lack of medical care when she had a stroke. She was sitting in a chair in the living room, and her grandson claimed he was in the room with her for hours before realizing there was anything wrong. (He initially claimed she had just had her stroke when he called for an ambulance, until doctors explained why that wasn't possible, and he revised his story.)

After she was buried, he sold as much as possible of her possessions, without consulting her children about any memorabilia or heirlooms, without regard to her wishes. He wanted to sell the house, but was unable to do so.

Anyone who makes an 82-year-old woman sleep on the couch needs to go. If at all possible, instead of moving mother out, get Goneril an efficiency apt. somewhere. Get a storage room for her furniture.

Move quickly to do what you can with what resources you have. What time your mother has left should not be lived in this manner, and you will sleep easier the rest of your life.

Hoping things work out for the best for you and your mother -

The first and most critical thing you must do is confront your mother at a time when her sister isn't there. You need help. You need the rest of your family, the ones who have already been victimized by Goneril and tossed her out. You need an intervention. Possibly you need a mental health professional to act as an authority figure. It's a shame your mother isn't religious, as her clergyman would be an excellent choice. Find SOMEONE whose authority she respects to bring her to her senses.

Failing that, you really can beat the old bitch at her own game. The way you do it is to catch Goneril alone. You look her straight in her beady little eyes, and you say, "If you don't get out of my mother's house, they will never find your body." If she says anything to your mother, you look sweet and innocent and deny it all. Suddenly she's outed herself as a crazy troublemaker.

Okay, not exactly the approved way of handling the situation. But there's no nice, polite way of dealing with someone who doesn't follow the rules.

Cary, did you call this letter writer? Frankly, I do not believe a word of it. My guess is that some practical joker is having quite a laugh at your expense. It is simply too much...

You need to call the local Agency on Aging and talk to a social worker there about your options, and you need to do it pronto.

They're trained in this stuff. They'll give you good advice.

Call first thing in the morning.

First of all--- Goneril?! Are these people Elvish?

Still, just in case it's not an elaborately long winded joke, most big cities and counties have police/sheriff's departments with Elder Abuse units. And the situation as described appears to be nascent elder abuse. Consult with the proper authorities and stop trying the self-help route.

First of all--- Goneril?! Are these people Elvish?

Goneril is the name of one of the treacherous, scheming daughters of King Lear, and I think it's safe to say that the loony aunt is actually named soneone else. Though there's a long history of naming girls after characters from Uncle Billy, so who knows. I don't know where the LW got "Lenny" from, though.

I believe the letter writer is real, and I have to say the situation sounds tragic. LW, I feel for you. Perhaps the "elder abuse" angle is the way to go -- many states have hotlines for help in those circumstances, though I don't know if they only assist in physical injury scenarios.

Cary's suggestion of getting legal power of attorney sounds reasonable, though I don't know if it is possible while your mother is still of sound mind. Definitely talk to a lawyer.

Removing the scourge of the problem (I love that you name her Goneril), as someone posted above, could be another solution -- if all the family chipped in for a cheap apartment for your aunt and the junkie son, at least they would be isolated and unable to harm your mother's living situation.

Another possibility could be for one of you to take your mother in, and leave the evil sister and son to their own demise.

It all sounds messy and sad, so mostly I want to say to the LW good luck, I hope good advice comes your way. The Salon community can be quite wise. Maybe someone reading your letter will have some sound advice for you. Barring that, I hope a miracle happens so that this situation is resolved without your mother falling into financial ruin.

You can't win playing their way, so change the rules and get back in charge. This isn't a game, it's war, and the sooner you establish a beachhead from which to defend your mother's territory, the better.

Have Mom visit your house or have your husband or a trusted friend take her away for a long weekend. Spoil her a little and make her remember what normal life is.

While the window of opportunity is open, visit the landlord immediately (better yet, set it up in advance). He's the leverage you have right now. He can get everyone out and change the locks. Go through her papers and see how much damage has been done (Fraud and identity theft are probable with this crew. She already may be wiped out). Change the phone number if needed, and talk to her bank and credit card companies. (They will have a problem talking to you, but if you have all the right info you might be able to get a real person to help.) Check with the police and see whether thare any outstanding warrants against the druggie, and see whether he has a parole officer who might help "persuade" him to disappear from your mother's life. If there is evidence of fraud against a vulnerable adult (your mom) the police may be able to use it as well.

Sounds like your aunt is functional enough to get through her life so far, so offer once to go to the agency on aging with her and sort through her options. If she refuses, hand her over to her kids and tell them all to stay away.

If you must, move Mom somewhere with security to keep these "loved ones" out.

Don't try baby steps. Put on your combat boots and get marching. These people do not care about your mom and can't be trusted. Unless you want your mom impoverished and living with you, these people have to go away -- far away.