Letters to the Editor
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My sympathies
You're describing my cat, basically. I rescued him at three weeks, and certainly I've regretted doing so at different points over the ensuing 15 years. But I will say this: age has mellowed him--somewhat. I've found that he feels secure with a fairly strict routine (feeding, changing of cat box, arrangement of bedding places, etc.), and although he's still pretty aggressive when people come over, he's less likely to swat at them than he used to be. Or less likely to draw blood, anyway. My friends know the drill, so I don't even get embarrassed about his behavior anymore. Like your cat, he never had much interest in toys, though occasionally I can distract him with a bag of catnip. He never even learned how to groom himself until I got another cat. He's the most neurotic, aggressive, idiosyncratic animal I've ever had, and yes, he made my life miserable. But I have a ferocious love for that cat, maybe precisely because he is such a pain in the ass. He is affectionate--in his own weird way--toward me, and the crazy thing actually pined for me when I left him for one summer. I guess since he didn't really have a mother, I am his.
So I don't really know what to tell you. I don't imagine it will get much better for you, and yes, those vet visits are traumatic (ask them to gas him in his cage before the examination next time--it seems cruel, but it's much easier for everyone concerned). I simply stopped going a few years ago because he's an indoor-only cat, and those visits were taking a year off my life and his. Terrible, I know. Honestly, the only thing that helped a little bit was having another cat around who had been properly socialized. My cat was fascinated with the kitten I introduced into his world years ago, and he is now as protective of that cat as he is of me. Of course, introducing a new cat is a dangerous proposition for cats like ours, since you never know how they'll react. Plus, it's not so nice for the kitten to have to learn to deal with a neurotic brute.
Good luck to you--I've made peace with my decision, but I certainly felt exactly like you did three years into it.