Letters to the Editor
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This is one for the book
Great response. Made me laugh so hard.
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3 months...
Seriously, kid, the stones on you are ginormous. I had a dad. He died. I didn't even bring my husband of several years around my dad during the time before his death. Why? Because these moments weren't for my husband, they were for my dad, my sisters and me. Because my husband, no matter how fabulous and wonderful, wasn't the one who mattered in that equation. And in your girlfriend's step-father's equation, you matter even less.
If these are the moments leading up to his death, should he waste them on you? Should he waste energy and breath and emotional connection on the annoying guy who happens to have been dating his step-daughter for 1/16 the time of the last boyfriend? How about this idea instead: How about he spends his time and energy on the people he actually loves, whom he'll miss, who will miss him? Please read Cary's advice. Please get a clue and grow up. Or if you can't do that, tell your girlfriend you need her to find her dying step-father so he'll be nice to you. Then let her dump your ass.
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To the Letter Writer's Girlfriend
I'm utterly, utterly speechless over the unmitigated narcissism of the LW. Fortunately, Cary's response was brilliant and other letter writers have risen to the task of doing what he so delicately avoided; shining the bright light of inquiry back on the LW.
Instead, on the off chance that she may read this column, this is for the LW's girlfriend.
Run. As fast as you can, as far as you can. It's been three months and the rose-colored glasses are still on, but hopefully soon you will begin to see the massive character flaws of the man you are involved with.
There will be many letters addressing the more glaring faults. Read them all. You may also wish to do some research on domestic violence; there were at least two red flags in your boyfriend's letter (note that abuse may be emotional and psychological as well as physical). It is an understatement to say that if someone cannot muster kindness, compassion, empathy or respect for a dying man, there's not much hope for you.
It's good that you left the bad boyfriend in Florida, but you have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Please don't wait four years to free yourself from this one.
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What is the sound of two shits dropping?
Sometimes, Cary, you have that Zen moment, too. Cutting through all illusion, revealing life as it is: two audible plops. Very nice, it's a lot of fun to read when you hit that.
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The next domino.
When I was very young it was explained to me that no one was put on this Earth to entertain me. I understood then and have carried this with me since: no one owes me anything. I know that there are people who love me and care about me. I know also that there are people who ignore me, and yet others who dislike me. This is true for all of us. Why let it trouble you? Act honorably; keep no malice in your heart; hold no grudge against anyone. There's no percentage in it for you. You gain nothing by reviling those who revile you.
I have considered the love and friendship I have received, even when sometimes I didn't deserve it. I have rested in the shadow of good fortune, like Jonah under the gourd. But I didn't "earn" good fortune. It came to me and I accepted it, and have struggled ever since not to feel entitled to it. While no one has owed me anything, I have received everything and have been ungrateful. As I've grown older, remembering what I was told, I realized that I want to give more than I have taken from life. And I have been given so much. The anger, malice, or shoulder shrugging of others with which we all must live isn't, ultimately, of any importance and, if I were to respond in kind with anger, malice, or shoulder shrugging, I merely become the next domino.
Yes, all this is easy to say, yet difficult to act upon. But it's still worth trying and will do you no harm.
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Yes.
Exactly right Cary.
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To the Letter Writer's Girlfriend II
The posting from chilfries says it all. The Letter Writer is a sociopath. There is something deeply disturbing about this guy, and I am afraid for his girlfriend! He is a classic narcissist; he illustrates the signs of an abuser and a controller. Of course the step-father doesn't ask about the LW and his family; he's deeply uncomfortable in this man's presence. I was deeply uncomfortable reading the LW's words.
They say that your primal instinct is always right; ie, that when you cross the street to avoid someone coming toward you who makes you uncomfortable--you're tapping into an instinct to save your life. Maybe the person coming toward you wasn't going to harm you or kill you at that moment, but you may sense that this person could harm or kill someone in the future, or has harmed or killed in the past. Our reptile brains are smart. As I read this guy's letter, I sensed a dangerous person coming toward me.
Sociopaths are frightening, because they can't be reasoned with; they are to be avoided at all costs, especially by young women who are blinded to a man's character by physical/sexual attraction.
I think the stepfather is doing all he can, given the circumstances. He allows the man into his house, which must be extraordinarily difficult for him. What I get from this letter is that there is a dying man somewhere in the U.S. who loves his step-daughter and, who, in his final days, is probably fearful of dying and is also worried about his step-daughter's future well-being.
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The man is dying, give hime a break
You get to go on living. He gets to be a weak invalid until his heart gives out and he dies a painful, frustrating death.
Perhaps you can forgive him for not being thrilled to see the guy who broke up his step-daughter's engagement.
Cary is right. This isn't about you. You are not the center of the world. Get some empathy man! At the very least, try to put yourself in the shoes of your girlfriend.