Cary, this is one of your better pieces. It cuts right to the obvious substance of the matter but transcends it as well by putting it into the broader context of what does anything or anybody really amount to when we are face-to-face with our own mortality (the answer being that virtually of us who are not hit by a truck and killed instantly will one day find out).

But this one nailed it.

1. Dying or not, step-father to the woman you love or not, he owes you nothing. Not courtesy, not respect, nothing. No one does. You are just some guy, possibly another in a long line and the sequel to a no-account piece of crap he had to tolerate for 4 years. He isn't being overtly hostile to you. He's ignoring you, which is his right.

2. Dying or not, unmitigated prick or not, you do owe him courtesy and respect. You are standing in his house. Don't be an asshole.

3. Stop fixating on his health. Treat him like you would any other guy in his position - said position being owner of the house you are visiting and step-father to the girl you are bedding.

4. Maybe he just doesn't like you because he has determined (correctly) that you are a sniveling, approval seeking little jerk who thinks everybody owes him something.

5. As Cary said, the world is full of people who don't like you. Based on the letter you wrote, I don't like you. Are you going to cry to Dear Abby over that? Deal with it. Be a man. Show him the respect he deserves as owner of the above mentioned roles in your life because he has earned it and for no other reason. Maybe if you start doing that instead of whining about how he treats you he will start to see you as someone worthy of his respect.

Don't feel too bad. Cary's advice to you was good. It was the sort of thing a person might receive at a yoga ashram or Buddhist monastery.

Of course it hurts. Ouch! Who wants to be told that they aren't the center of the universe, and told publicly at that! And on top of that, all these bozos in the letters section heap on their own abuse.

The thing is, we all need to hear this from time to time. All of us. "It's not about you." "You're not what matters here."

In a way, though, isn't it freeing? Isn't it liberating to know you can and should just (mentally, emotionally) walk away from this problem? Because it's true, it's not about you. That leaves you free to focus on other areas of your life, love your girlfriend better, and move forward. You aren't the one that's dying. Your whole life is ahead of you.

Don't let the turkeys get you down. There will always be nasty internet posters. I don't know why they came out in full force for your letter. Just rise above, listen to Cary's advice, and welcome the lessons you will learn. Best wishes to you.

Sorry

the poster who claims he is the LW is lying.

click the link under his handle (mikerm5255) and you get the list of "letters to the editor" he's written.

i'll make it easy for you: http://letters.salon.com/e11669e8b4b5823b3f335e9e74ccfeab/author/

the very first LTTE (about the tv show brothers and sisters) claims his "demographic is over age 50 male." But the LW (to Cary) says he is in his 20s. in the same LTTE, mikerm5255 also says, "I also grew up in Los Angeles my first 20 years if that makes a difference."

nice.

You're copping out on me with this FAKE LETTER deal, when you clearly answered it on the 2nd page (before the issue of authenticity came up) with this beautiful bit of feminist BS:

"If the family is lucky, he may still be around in a year, and maybe, if he gets his transplant, he will be in better shape to enjoy a manly confrontation. Your girlfriend may find it thrilling. She can be in one corner with a water spigot and a towel to wipe your brow. Her mother will no doubt want to attend in the other corner with the same accoutrements. Don’t forget to touch gloves!"

Ah, yes, two men battling for the love of a woman - who could decide not to give a shit tomorrow - how exciting! (No, I didn't miss your sarcasm. Still,...)

Look, all I'm saying is - at least when dealing with me - I'd appreciate you dealing with my arguments and not how I choose to express myself. I get a strong whiff of hypocrisy, regarding women, from you - one I once shared for the "fairer sex" - until I got that hard lesson many men get that shoves in your face how unfair women - with the aid of laws no one voted for - can be.

"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" should be seriously considered by every man out there - especially those who are prone to marriage or loyalty - because such an attitude (when post-feminists are under no obligation, socially or otherwise, to reciprocate) will destroy your life. You can lose your money, your job, your family, and friends. And, when it comes to dealing with people who haven't been through it, you can lose your sense of identity because they don't have eyes to "see" - not because you're wrong. Just isolated.

When I was married, I used to be one of those Captain Save-A-Hos (more than happy to step in when a woman found herself in in trouble) but no more. My attitude now is, "you got yourself into it, you get yourself out of it - or take your ass-kicking like a man" because I know how low, underhanded, and just plain evil women will be (disregarding any definition of decency) for their own "happiness". As one woman wrote, on that last LW's thread, saying she felt guilty for cheating, lying, and committing infidelity on the guy who did so much for her, but she was happier now.

That's the score, dude, thrown out with no prompting from anyone. And if her former guy kills himself, because men are just biologically different - almost requiring honesty and truth-telling - "tough" because she and her friends have already decided to whore her to the altar of "happiness." And idiot men, who have no idea of the lizard-brain mechanizations women employ, support it - thinking the guy MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING to make someone so sweet do whatever they do. The truth may just be the bitch has no social/verbal skills to deal with a man who's devoted to her - and the guy pays the price in every way imaginable. I swear, when I hear about men killing women now, I say, "Well, that's too bad" because knowing the score changes everything: "What's Love Got To With It?" right? It's the guys natural progression through feminist-led thinking - equality - shit, most guys would kill any other guy that fucked them over, too. Keep moving, nothing to see here.

Anyway, that's where I'm coming from, and, I still say, you copped out in your answer to me.

I gotta go.