Letters to the Editor
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The stepfather is a "complete and total asshole?" Seriously?
LW, what exactly is so bad about this guy? Oh, he ignores you. Okay, what else? Because I would think that someone who is awful enough to be called a "complete and total asshole" would have to actually DO something. As far as I can tell from your letter, he hasn't done anything to be called an asshole - you've made no mention of him speaking harshly to anyone, beating anyone, stealing, cheating, whatever. He's just ignored some new dude who has started dating his stepdaughter and who showed up on the scene when the stepfather is dealing with serious health issues that probably leave him feeling crappy on a daily basis. Oooh...what a monster!
And as for you, LW, you claim to be a "good boyfriend" and say you make your girlfriend happy. Based on what? A few bunches of flowers? The fact that you happened to come along and, according to you, that kept her from moving to Florida? Newsflash: your girlfriend is her own person and whether she moves to Florida or not has more to do with her than with you. I'm not impressed with your boyfriend cred.
You want to be a good boyfriend? How about putting aside your own ego long enough to realize that you are not the important one in this scenario? How about trying to find ways to support your girlfriend and her family? Refusing to pick your girlfriend up at her house because you're pouting over her stepfather's failure to welcome you with open arms is not supportive. Resenting her for not confronting her dying stepfather because you're pouting over not being fawned over every time you come over to the house is not supportive.
All that said, I agree with the poster who says the LW's girlfriend should run far, run fast. If the LW can't have enough compassion for the family to put aside his need to be the center of attention when his girlfriend's family is in crisis, what's he going to be like when more mundane aspects of life, like jobs, chores and kids, compete for her attention? Perhaps once he grows up and learns that he is not, in fact, the center of the universe he can be a good partner for someone, but he isn't there yet.