Letters to the Editor
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Heinous.
Absolutely heinous advice. A child should come into the world WANTED by the adults who will live with and care for him or her. If that's a single parent, fine. If it's a couple of any orientation, fine. If it's a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or any permutation or combination of the above, or the members of a commune, or whoever else, fine.
What's not fine is to have a main caretaker (which the LW will be; legislate/fantasize about it all you want, but if you bear the child and live with the 'primary' caretaker, who also happens to be your beloved husband, you ARE a main caretaker) who's deeply equivocal at best about that child's existence. I put the husband at around age 47 now, given the details of the letter. Will he have the energy at 52 to give a 5-year-old what that child needs? How is his health? Even if it's flawless, what if he's in an accident, or the marriage breaks up, and the mom must assume primary caretaking responsibilities? This is a crazy idea. Just crazy.
Kids know when they're not wanted. This scenario sets in motion a perpetual tug-of-war between this woman and the child over the husband's love and attention -- a struggle each one is bound to lose in his or her own way. And do we really think the marriage will survive and thrive under the circumstances?
Get real, folks. When it comes to doing the right thing by kids, you CAN'T have it all. Grow up and make an adult decision for once in your lives.