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• Wednesday, May 16, 2007 10:27 AM

  Family of 4 or 5 or 3

  Odd how the Reluctant Mommy and Cary and all of the respondents left out the twins.

  I hope she will carry the pregnancy to term, deliver and keep the baby. She may or may not try Cary's advice regarding a contract making her husband the primary caregiver for the baby. I hope he will take on as much as possible, as he will be capable of doing more than either he or she may currently believe.

  My point about remembering the twins is this: they are part of the current family and will be part of the family of five. They have lived the last eight years - the last two especially - seeing him as Daddy. If they see this child as essentially tying their lives to this loving, giving man in a real genetic sense, then this baby could have three men loving it and willing to help raise it from the start. Assuming they will be around for the next five years, until they leave the nest for good they could help get this kid raised to the point of kindergarten. Along the way there are lots of teachable moments that can help them become better people - more loving men - than their biological father was/is.

  Reluctant Mommy needs to think about possible outcomes for all of the people in the family, not just herself. Sorry that fact upsets some people but that's what marriage and parenthood entails.

  Let me quickly spell out the worst-case scenario I could forsee: Abort; Daddy resents Mommy for showing him to be a sucker for loving her and helping her to raise another (horrible) man's children; twins see that Daddy is really just a motherfucker not important enough to create a family with; twins grow up to be men like their biofather, with problems squared so Mommy will have four times the heartache and for the rest of her life because you can't divorce your kids; Daddy divorces Mommy sooner or later.

  But at least Mommy gets to pursue her dream of being a ballerina dancing for royalty. Or whatever.

  —lesls1 Read lesls1's other letters
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