Letters to the Editor
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To the anonymous of THIS ADVICE SUCKS
You said: "The problem began when he advised her not to have her tubes tied. Then, when the Dr. and her husband advised her not to get a hysterectomy. Now, she's pregnant. Is her body ever her own?"
Please turn this around so that she has some responsibility. The problem began when (she) decided not to have her tubes tied, when she decided not to have a hysterectomy. The more potent question might be "Is her mind never her own?"
For the government not to intervene in a woman's reproductive choices means that she gets the freedom to decide. That her husband's opinion would count with her is what reasonable marriages are about. The government does not regulate this private discussion. But her doctor? Come on! There are other doctors. In her relationship with her husband, when does she get to be a big girl and not a child bride? Where was her back up birth control? The mere fact that she has endo and that it is literally a pain but she did not choose the hysterectomy option earlier indicates ambivilance on her part. Whatever she decides, she has an abortion scheduled. All she has to do is go through with it.
Freedom of choice does not mean freedom from social opinion. It does not mean spouses will not speak their opinions. It does not mean doctors may not agree with you. It means standing up and looking people in the eye and making your own damn decisions. You show me a woman who is legally being kept from making this choice and I will be on her side -- maybe even by her side.
What does the LW do? She asks Cary! In all due respect, he's a guy! As far as I know, he doesn't even have kids. If you ask for opinions, you get opinions.
Three years down the road, she should not be trying to say that, whatever the outcome, somebody made her decision for her. This would be a lie. She makes the decision.
When will women learn that, to some extent, asking for the opinions of others on such an intimate issue means not taking the responsibility yourself? Ultimately, she should make this decision in such a way that she can look herself in the mirror with her shoulders back and say: "I was not a coward!" There is no greater self-esteem builder.