Letters to the Editor
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I just noticed the oddest thing.
All the letters in this thread, many of them excellent ones on both sides of the issue, raised new questions in my mind, so to confirm an uneasy feeling, I went back and reread the LW's letter.
These words jumped out at me: "Even my husband has remarked on my ambivalence to parenthood."
What on earth does she mean by that word EVEN?
I could understand the sentence perfectly well without that word. Wouldn't such a sentence mean that they had discussed this pregnancy matter extensively before and that he had discussed with her her ambivalence. After all, they have been together for eight years (married for two) and surely they have discussed the child/no additional child option more than once. Furthermore, she says that they were discussing it again when she became pregnant. She says they had not yet finished their discussion. If they have been doing all this talking, wouldn't her ambivalence be quite apparent?
Then add in that word EVEN. That word can mean only one of two things:
1) She has not been direct with her husband. She has been evasive. How hard is it to say something along the lines of "I'm ambivalent and until I make up my mind, I will not have a child?" Therefore, I conclude that maybe she was not being direct with him about her feelings. If this was the case, who can blame him for hoping?
2) She considers him utterly clueless. She has been trying to tell him but his receiver was broken. Hello? Hello? Earth to husband? Or was he deliberately not hearing her? How many of you have ever been in a frustrating argument with someone and finally ended it by saying, "Even YOU should understand, you nitwit!"
Maybe things are not so wonderful after all. Just being married to someone wonderful, how nice that would be -- especially if you also loved that someone, especially if the two of you had great communication, especially if you were ever on the same page in the first place.
I just love the letters Cary gets. I even love it when his advice is goofy. I love reading responses by people I agree with and by people with whom I disagree. Each request for advice is a little mystery. Something to try to understand and maybe even solve. But this one . . . I think I may have detected a few red herrings. However, that word EVEN is a bonafide clue!
Forgive folks. I have two degrees in English and am a mystery buff. I may EVEN be a little obsessed with close reading . . .