Letters to the Editor
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Cary is right
LW,
You asked how can you avoid stepping on this land mine. Well, as far as your actions are concerned, the best way is to follow Cary's advice, however unpractical it seems to be to some people here. Otherwise, saving your marriage will be left mostly to your husband's actions. Will he forgive you or not? Well, nobody can answer that question with certainty, probably not even him at this point. Frankly, he probably won´t.
But, if you go through with the abortion, there are some things that you could do to increase the odds that everything will end up right. First of all, never, ever downplay his suffering. Don´t try to argue that this decision was the best for him. Remind yourself each and every day how much you owe to this man (not the baby, but his forgiveness and all the things that he has done to you before) and try to act towards him always keeping this in mind. The next time some big decision comes up in your marriage, try to let him have his way. Maybe some couple therapy would be good for you. You should give it a try.
Best luck for you both.