Letters to the Editor
-
Make Him Raise the Kid?
Cary? You're not outsourcing your columns to Bangalore again, are you? "Make him raise the kid"?? That sounds a little like "make it not rain this year."
You cannot be serious, Cary. Suppose this child has serious health problems or birth defects? She is close to 35 and has a gynecological disorder, so it could very well happen. Is the LW supposed to just go skipping tra-la on her merry way and say, "Sorry, hubby, you're the one who wanted the baby, you deal with it"?
And what if her husband -- who, after all, has never been a parent before, and has no direct experience with babies -- can't handle being the primary caregiver after all? Of course she'll have to step in. Even if she isn't the primary caregiver, it's illusory to think she can just go on living her life the way she has with two teenagers who have by this time attained some degree of autonomy. Babies are work, serious work, for any parent, even one with full-time help. And given that she is the biological mother, she will also have to deal with the physical and psychological fallout (including possible postpartum depression) of having a baby in her mid-30s, episiotomy or cesarean scars, breast-pumping, sleep deprivation, etc. Mid-30s may sound young to some people, but the LW has already made it clear she is not up to the task, and has never been anything but straightforward with her husband about this.
If they are actually considering going through with the pregnancy, the very least they can do is "borrow" a baby for a week or so -- preferably a colicky one! -- so the LW's husband can find out first-hand what it's like to care for one, especially if he figures to be the one missing out on most of the sleep. They (and especially he) should NOT romanticize parenthood and stumble into it blindfolded. Some people take to it like a duck to water, others like a cactus to a swimming pool. The LW already knows which category she falls into; this means her husband had better be damned sure he's completely the opposite.