Letters to the Editor
-
Interesting Advice
I really liked your advice Cary. Ultimately it is the LW's choice whether or not to have the abortion, but an arrangement to ensure she was the secondary caregiver is sound and plausible to me. I also agree with those who have stated that the LW's husband is still living a very fulfilling life at the moment as a parent to two teen boys.
Having a child for another is certainly tricky territory, but worth at least some consideration. If she still decides to have the abortion, the LW will then be even firmer in her resolve and will have made the right choice for her.
What I am heartily tired of is hearing from sanctimonious parents who think that because someone else does not have a child they could not possibly know what it entails-- as if they have never been part of a family themselves, or were doomed to be completely naive because no one calls them Mom or Dad. It does not take a particularly special set of skills to have kids. You are not more reasonable than the person next to you who chose not to have them.
Experience does not always equate to wisdom just because your sperm found the egg and you have changed 1000 diapers. It sometimes just means you get good at changing diapers. No one is 100% prepared for parenting. I applaud Cary for promoting fathers as primary caregivers-- they have just as much love and skills to offer as other supportive spouses.
I also do not see why some of the letter writers here cling to the assumption that all of a woman's dreams and aspirations must be suppressed for good because she becomes a mother. What kind of roll model is that to offer a child? Who wants to grow up to become a drudge? Who wants the kind of pressure that comes with knowing that your mother "gave it all up" for you?
I wish you luck in your decision LW.