Letters to the Editor
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To: thekiti
Try not being so selective in your reading. I said nothing remotely similar to what you claim. Try being logical and practical rather than histrionic and reactionary, you would find the results appealing. To remind you:
1. Marriage and having children are acts of selfishness. People do what they think is best for them, period. It is called enlightened self interest.
2. Most women want to know how much money and when they will get it in divorce.
3. Alimony is not for adults. It is paid to children who are incapable of taking care of themselves.
4. Child support is good, but it is called child support for a reason.
5. Marriage does not typically benefit men and the only real reason to do it is to have children and provide them a stable environment.
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no easy answer
As I grew into a teenager, my father slipped into alcoholism. He was overcontrolling, illogical, argumentative, and verbally abusive. I pleaded with my mother to leave him. She was as miserable as I was, but she refused.
Later, after he died, she told me she didn't leave him because she didn't know how to change an electrical fuse. She'd actually gotten to the point where she'd said she was leaving and was actually looking for a house, but the only one she'd been able to find that was "to her standards" turned out to have a fuse box instead of a circuit breaker. So she stayed.
As an aside, I grew up into one of those women with a basement full of power tools!
But as to whether she made the right choice? That's tough to call. At the time I was dismayed. Dad was an ogre. But then he got cancer.
As he got sicker and lost his power, he dwindled from ogrehood to trollhood, and finally gremlinhood. Mom got religion, which drove a wedge between me and her, but propped her up enough to take care of Dad. He lasted another ten years, finally dying of senile dementia.
During those ten years, there were two occasions during which he let his emotions peek out from behind the bunker where he kept them sequestered. Dad loved me so much he literally couldn't deal with it. He was a profoundly broken man in many ways, and I find this so sad. I know, two occasions in a decade - pretty measly? But without them, I never would have been able to begin to understand him as I have come to.
So, did she do the right thing by staying? At the time, absolutely not. Having lived another 20 years since then, I'd have to say on balance probably yes.
Mom sacrificed her life to a man who treated her badly. In the end, what she won for both of us was the slimmest of opportunities to understand him and to make peace with who he was. Better not to have married a man like that in the first place, but you can't undo the past. She did the best she could at the time. She and I are still coming to terms with each other. This is very difficult on many levels.
My father died three years ago next Tuesday. I saw him the day before he died. My last words to him were "Dad, I love you." His last words to me were "I know..."
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I hold both sexes to the same standard
so even if a guy wrote the letter, my comments still stand.
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brightstar65 may hold women to the same standard as
men, but I don't. I hold them to much lower one as it makes it much easier not to be disappointed.
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I wish...
I wish I had Ben Dover
For one moment of love
I wish I had Ben Dover
tonight
Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder
Last dance, first kiss
Your touch, my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts
I wish I had Ben Dover
For one moment of love
I wish I had Ben Dover
My Virgin Mary undone
I`m in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had Ben Dover tonight
I wish I had Ben Dover
I wish I had Ben Dover
I wish I had Ben Dover
Tonight.
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If I remember correctly...
I believe Cary has no children. It's easy for people without children to suggest that those in unhappy marriages stay together for the sake of their kids, but sometimes the marriage is so toxic the children are better off with parents who don't live together. That way they can enjoy a healthier environment, preferably sharing time with both. Often two people who are a disaster together are decent people separately. I'm not suggesting that divorce doesn't have profound effects on children. I'm the product of divorced parents myself and I know that when handled poorly, there are lasting repercussions. But I also know that I didn't want my own child growing up in a house where the mother was called a "stupid goddamn bitch" for simply forgetting to make a phone call to get information on possible plane reservations, or called names for dropping things, or constantly criticized in a nasty tone of voice for unimportant things like not wringing her own washcloth out hard enough (why was he even checking that?) or buying bananas that weren't exactly the precisely correct stage of ripeness. The kind of tension that that kind of constant haranguing produces can't be better for a child than a peaceful home with one parent. And I don't want my child to think that if he treats a woman that way, she'll stay with him; that she is to be respected, or she'll leave.
LW should try therapy, again (some therapists stink, others are incredibly skilled), and if he truly is miserable, consider carefully whether the home life is worse for his children than a divorce.
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Emily
What perscription medication are you on?
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Not a thing, Ben!
This is just me au naturale.
I'm sorry to embarrass you...I just can't help thinking how much happier and more harmonious my life would be with you by my side.
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Emily, with all due respect
I have a shallow side to me which requires that you be attractive with a good body. I doubt that you would fulfill that requirement as physical attraction is 1st, then I can engage in good conversation.