Letters to the Editor
-
aka smith.
aka.
thanks.
i totally agree with everything you've posted. and yes, you are correct in my lack of compassion. i detest this woman now, her lack of principles, morals, etc..
today, in fact, she's come full circle again trying desperately to salvage whatever she can from me, and i'm not biting.
in fact, i made my flight reservation for a trip to mexico instead.
my bags are packed, i'm gone at 9pm tonight.
it will be a tearful parting, but not likely on my part.
i'm getting drunk off my ass, and hitting the clubs, because you know what, i've earned that.
why was in this?
love, what else. i thought i was attracted to her, not just physically, but in every other aspect.
it was the slow, steady collapse of trust that did me in.
it started out like that, but over time, it degraded to the point where i was looking for strings, making up seemed to only validate her behaviour.
and yes, i am concerned about my safety and hers now that you mention it, i thought for sure the other night she was going to hit me with a frying pan. hello, tommy lee? lol.
and no, for the record, i did not cheat on her, don't have side internet dating things going on, or past gf's in my cell phone, though she's certainly checked all those places.
i was married for 14 years, never once cheated, or thought of it.
the reasons, she says, for her insanity, is her behaviour is the same as the last two relationships she was in before me, claiming that this was the first time with me, but when pressed, the past is the present, and will likely be the future.
why am i in this?
i'm not, not as of today, that is.
thanks.
rb.
-
another thought...
and yes, her last ex, her "one" has been begging her to come back , and i think she's just been looking for an excuse to get rid of me to explore that mistake. or so she calls it.
i feel for the poor guy...
rb.
-
rb, enjoy Mexico . . .
and, if you ever get tempted to begin a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder again, watch that movie where Glenn Close boils the bunny.
(For all the people who now want to boil me for the BPD reference: I used to have a touch of it and got treatment and got better. Also, I never destroyed any child's Easter animal . . . but BPD can be an extremely serious disorder.)
-
Forgive your husband's moment of weakness and try to sooth his hurt feelings
Newlywed,
Not that it's OK to snoop, and I understand that you feel violated but having read a boyfriend's diary once (and finding out he was cheating on me) I can understand the kind of pain that your husband must be going through, too. It's awful to read less than glowing stuff about yourself in the context of a partner's diary. It strips away the illusions that one is unconditionally loved. Most of us tend to have an idealized script about romantic and married life. Realizing that you see him in more human and less adoring terms, must come as shock.
Your husband may have even thought that he would find loving entries about himself, it may even have felt like a way to connect with you in his loneliness. Without being harsh or critical, it might be benefical to explore with your husband what he was looking for when he read your journal. Was he feeling insecure about your love, hoping for reassurance, or just curious?
The question is, what to do? If it were me, I would write a love letter, outlining all the things I loved about my husband. You might even do it journal form, if you think it appropriate. While your husband's done something less than honorable, having gone through the experience of a dying parent, myself, I can say that he's probably going through what will be one of the most important moment's in his life. The loss of a parent can be a searing experience, made much more difficult if one's relationships are at all rocky.
Your support in his time of crisis will go a long way towards making your relationship stronger.
-
rb, I feel for you....
women who are BPD/Border Personality, etc, are great in the sack, but not good for anything else. They live in their own little world. Medicated or not, you can't trust them. You are doing the right thing. In dealing with women like your soon-to-be-x it is usually best to do a Houdini. Leave at the most opportune time without telling them or giving them an opportunity try to fabricate a situation where they can claim you assaulted them. It can happen. Be very careful.
-
Madame Defarge
Their relationship is over. She is all about blaming someone else. She sounds like a nut. He needs to move on. Too many other options for him.
-
Why God invented the delete function.
The LW says: "It contained all of my fears about our relationship --- many in unflattering terms -- it was basically my place to get my worst thoughts out and then let them go."
About that "let them go" part: That's where the delete function would have come in handy. Spill the vitriol, then dump it. I can't imagine why the LW didn't edit out this stuff once she was married (if not before). I'm sure it was hardly literature she'd prize for her old age, and I'm surprised it didn't at least occur to her that she was risking her husband someday finding it. He simply found it sooner than later.
Good luck to these newlyweds, and may this serve to caution others. Privacy? There's no stinkin' privacy.
-
Gwool:
Oh God, I just read your post from Wednesday and was cracking up. Wonderful stuff. Thanks, many thanks, for the many laughs!
-
Snoopers fall into two groups; those that have secrets to keep of their own.And those without any innerlife,what so ever.
A an 9 year old I read my, 8 years older ,sister's diary.I had no idea what the book was for. I just thought it was pretty,there must be something good in it.
Wrongo. In it, she detailed how much she hated our parents.Using words I'd never seen in print before and some,of which,I knew not what they meant.Yikes .Talk about a breach of trust. I had a hard time trusting my sister. Happily ,she never found out. Even in adulthood,I failed to fess up.
she died at 48,unexpectedly. All I could think of was to get into her house to find her journals.I just had a feeling there would be more journals to be found. Under false pretense,I managed to get a chance to look for the material. Eventually,I found the them,on the bottom shelf of her linen closet,under a pile of old unused fabric.
The perfect location,where her idiot-husband would never find them.
I packed the journals out of the house under my winter jacket,unseen.The journals were incinerated unopened.Her IH,would have definitely read the journals.I couldn't allow that to happen.
It was the final gift I could give my sister.