Letters to the Editor
-
Cary Didn't Answer the Question...
I agree with Cary and others that EVERY PERSON is entitled to private thoughts, journals, and the like. Marriage does not eradicate one's individuality in any way. Trust is an important and crucial factor, but trust does not connote baring every syllable of every thought to another person, spouse or otherwise.
However, Cary did not respond to LW's question of what she should do now that the journal horse has left the barn.
IMO, it's not that complicated. She can tell her husband, truthfully, that she had to work out every worst-case scenario and every negative in her head before being able to reach her certainty that marrying him was the right thing to do. Being in love doesn't mean being blind to all faults and foibles, all quirks and irritants. It means working things out so that the whole person can be accepted and loved just the way he/she is. She can tell her husband that, while some things sound unflattering, they were expressions of the moment, and she probably hasn't even thought of him that way since, as she's so happily married.
The journal is a PROCESS, not a condemnation. She used it as a process to bring her to the point of a happy marriage. Hopefully, he's mature and intelligent enough to grasp this.
If anyone owes anyone an apology, it is he for snooping, albeit that's an all-too-human trait. If she can forgive him for that, he should certainly "forgive" unflattering thoughts or commentary that were only an expression of working out a decision, and not of present-day insult or ridicule.
She can just tell him that she decided she loves him the way he is, and made the right decision to marry him. Hopefully, that's the way things will remain.