Hey little sister what have you done?

Hey little sister who's the only one?

Hey little sister who's your superman?

Hey little sister who's the one you want?

Hey little sister shot gun!

The other day I heard the end of a radio program about a book called 'My Dearest Enemy, My Dangerous Friend: Making and Breaking Sibling Bonds' by Dorothy Rowe, whose book on Depression is terrific. She had a troubled relationship with her sister all her life. They're now in their eighties, and it sounded like she ended up with a grimly realistic set of expectations about such relationships that is nevertheless not entirely gloomy. I plan to buy it myself. I feel at once very close to my siblings by virtue of the fact that we have a common origin, but very far from them because we've gone on divergent paths like branches radiating from a single stem. It makes me sad because nothing can take away the fact that we grew up together, yet time has taken away that period of our lives. Not that it was idyllic. Far from it. It's a very complicated and sometimes dark kind of intimacy that I share with them, and from my perspective some of them appear to be lost. When we get together every year or two, we slip back into the old roles, but we've become different people now, and the old costumes no longer fit, so there's something grotesque about it all, and I find myself wondering which of us will die first, and unable to imagine the universe without the existence of these people whom I hardly ever see, and don't even know that well anymore.

Every first year law student I've ever met, including myself way back when, could talk of nothing but the constitution, torts and criminal law for a whole year. By their third year, you couldn't force them to talk about it.

Sounds like your sister is just overly enthusiastic and consumed by her new role. She is making sure that she and everyone else now looks at her in a new light. She's probably young, and she's proud.

Give her a year or two. You may never be thrilled that she's a cop, and you may never be able to relate to that way of thinking. But you might (we'll give you a couple of years too). In any case, she should mellow out about it over time and return to being the sister that you knew. Only you won't be able to break the law in front of her.

My sister is also a newbie and she isn't like this at all. But she's in the NYPD and I suspect the training is a lot different than you'd get in a small town police force.

My sis and I are really different people and I don't agree with her politics or her views on law and order. But she's happier than I've ever seen her--she truly loves her job and being a cop has given her tremendous poise and self-confidence. I avoid discussing hot topics with her and just try to enjoy her company without judging her. We're still family and we still love each other.

I concur with the upthread poster who stated that your sister is suffering from the police equivalent of 1st Year Law/Med student syndrome. Being exposed, consistently in a way that is much more engaging than a newspaper story, to the misery of the world really affects a person.

Before I went to law school I used to love amusement park rides. After first year torts I feared the most mild Ferris Wheel. I got over it after a while.

Your sister has become intimately aware of many scary realities through her police work/training that she was able to ignore before. She is seeing things she didn't see before. With luck, she will soon realize that the world hasn't changed, although her perception has and will relax bit. I have known several FBI agents and ADAs who had this same initial reaction, but were able to let it go with some experience.

Most likely your sister will loosen up in time.

I sympathize with the LW. The switch from being a civilian to being a cop is jarring for friends and family. Every day, cops see people usually only at their worst, and it becomes easy for them to be cynical and think the worst of everyone. Their job demands constant alertness and awareness, so physically and mentally, they're kind of like zombies at home. Many of them have to rotate shifts frequently, which is hard on their bodies and minds. It's not an easy lifestyle for cops or their families, and I don't particularly recommend it. Cops tend to band together, and the subculture encourages heavy drinking, sitting around in bars for hours, extramarital affairs, etc.

I highly recommend that any cop or family member read "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" (and no, I'm not the author and don't know the author). It really is illuminating as to a lot of the stresses cops have to overcome to still maintain their relationships and their sanity.

Cops ARE civilians, unless they are serving in the armed forces. Reminding the sister of that may take the starch out of her in a useful way.

Whether it's Amway, the church, or being a cop, a new convert to anything often becomes a zealot for a time. Your sister may mellow after a while, as she learns to balance being a cop with being the rest of the things she used to be, or she may not.

Your question, it seems to me, is representative of a larger question: What do we do when our loved ones become horrible people? What are we supposed to feel?

My own mother, who used to be a very kindly person, as she grows older and more established in the world, becomes more and more of a... well, I can't think of a polite way to say "Conservative Dickwad." The other day we had an argument about the police. The details of the argument are irrelevant to this discussion; what's relevant is that my mother said, "Well, the cops will only bother the people who need to be bothered, those criminal types. People like me and my friends will never encounter the situation, so it doesn't concern us."

Needless to say I expressed an opposing viewpoint, but it turns out she's serious. My mom, who raised me to be liberal, skeptical of those in power, and open-hearted to all different kinds of people, now believes that the cops would only stop and search criminals. What am I supposed to do with that?

My husband's got the same sort of situation with his mother. She remarried recently, to a man who belongs to a strict branch of the Baptist faith; now all of a sudden she no longer believes in evolution, thinks gay people are damned, and attends a church which doesn't allow women to attend business meetings. What the hell?

What are you supposed to do when someone you love betrays everything she used to stand for? How should I know? I can tell you what I am doing, but I can't say it's giving me any sense of accomplishment or relief. I'm trying to appreciate that my mother has her own view of the world, based on shoes I don't happen to be standing in. I'm reminding myself that although I try to deny it, no doubt much of the time I myself am an ignorant dickweed in various ways on various subjects, and other people somehow manage to put up with me. I'm avoiding certain subjects, while at the same time refusing to say anything I don't believe for the sake of keeping the peace. I'm loving the people I always loved, without sharing their opinions.