Letters to the Editor
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Not all vegans!
"I also sense that they want us to be vegans. They probably can't help wanting us to be vegans."
I gotta disagree with this. In the past years I have discovered some food allergies that have made me evolve into practically a vegan. I have to say, I have never ever made an issue of what my friends eat -- EVER. I think people eat what feels right for their bodies. I can't even imagine challenging a friend because he or she was eating meat.
Where I live (east coast, old hippie town), I think that self-righteous thing you are describing has long petered out. Is the vegan friend young by any chance?
(Aren't we all more concerned with global warming now anyway? And what about those missing bumblebees?)
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@katym
Bless your heart.
Knew one would show up and prove the point...vegans cannot resist the soapbox of self-aggrandizement. Isn't it sweet how it is done in a way that it is for the greater good?
Not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean that really, mainly because I agree with you, mostly. But demanding justification of someone's food choices isn't the way to educate and win hearts.
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When you cross the line
i think that in some ways it's perfectly reasonable to ask a friend (in a non-confrontational way, of course) how they justify supporting not only the inhumane conditions of slaughterhouses, but also the ridiculous amount of energy and resources it takes to support the average American omni diet.
You can broach the topic, but if your friend makes it clear they don't want to debate it and you continue to ask them to justify it, then you've crossed the line. Either agree to disagree or end the friendship.
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oops!
Scratch my "Is the vegan young?" question. I just re-read the first line of the letter. Well, that's too bad then. Usually by middle-age people figure out there is way more gray than black and white.
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Vegan - but not crazy about it.
I'm a long time vegan and even longer time vegetarian. I hate bringing it up to anyone. I'm strict but not crazy about it. If I go to a non vegetarian restaurant, which is rare, I ask about some ingredients. But things like sourdough bread, I assume are vegan, if not oh well. But I'm not going to have them bring me the labels to prove it. If I know it's not vegan I don't buy it. When I travel which is a lot I go to great lengths to find vegan food. I only buy vegan food for home and check all the ingredients on the labels. I have two leather couches in my house. Why? I bought them before I became vegan. A lot of friends think I should get rid of them right away. I think it's crazy to get rid of them till I'm ready to spend the money on new ones. One of my cars has a leather steering wheel. Why? The car only comes that way. The seats are cloth. Of course I know there's no such thing as a vegan car anywhere in the world. I don't wear leather belts or shoes, etc. I have a vegetarian friend who hates to eat vegan food if they label it in meat terms. Veggie Chicken, Veggie Beef, Veggie Fish labels gets her mad. I think that's silly and I tell her. If they shape the Veggie item like a chicken she really freaks. It's silly to me. I always say to her what about animal cookies? or maybe people shaped cookies. Who cares what the shape is, as long as it's good and vegan. I eat vegan ice cream, cookies, cakes, pies, and all kinds of fake vegan meats.
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This is no different than the friend who says "How can you NOT love Jesus?"
Seriously. Put this in any other terms (religion, politics), substitute some other behavior of a highly personal nature, and you can see this behavior for how reprehensible and beyond the bounds of common politeness it is.
It is the vegan's right to choose his/her own friends. If this vegan cannot get through the world without denigrating everyone who doesn't share the same beliefs... the vegan will have a remarkably small circle of friends that only contains other vegans.
We all have to learn to get along with those who have different beliefs than we do. Respectful disagreement is an art we all must practice. The rightness or wrongness of the beliefs are beside the point (unless we're discussing something illegal), where friendship and family is concerned. My orthodox Jew friend could perhaps refuse to associate with Gentiles... but instead he invited me and my family over for Sabbath dinner and included us in their Friday night ritual candle lighting, singing, and prayers. It was beautiful, a gift, and inclusive. He didn't ask me to become a Jew, nor did he ask why I wasn't. That wasn't the point, and we all knew it. And the dinner was kosher, and lovely.
Likewise, the vegan could cook some vegan meals for the non-vegan, take her to a vegan restaurant, and they could have a nice visit. But if the vegan insists on turning a visit into The Vegan Inquisition, then it's time to end the friendship. Period.
I've learned the art of respectful disagreement with many people I hold dear... close friends, my parents, my aunts and uncles. The subjects that we agree not to broach is what keeps our relationship healthy. These are not people I live with every day, but people I want in my life.
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lovely responses and circles to consider
good set of responses to a hot button topic. in a nutshell, I agree with Cary's argument. Don't try to justify anything to your friends, if they can't accept you then they're probably not your friend
I've noticed a strong correlation between extreme vegetarians and a commitment to urban living. I think the discomfort with killing animals for food comes from our moving away from an agrarian society. I've grown up eating chickens that I have cared for and I have consumed wild fish I caught a few hours earlier. I know, at the bottom of my soul, that that bit of red squishy stuff in the plastic tray was once a living breathing animal.
While the writer may not extend the "circle of us" to animals, I will argue there are two circles we should consider making part of our lives. the first circle is based on animal intelligence. For example, I would never eat anything as smart as my dog which leaves out pigs and goats. Cows are far dumber than a dog and chickens could have a battle of wits with corn and lose. as a result I eat dumb things.
however, just because something is dumb doesn't mean it doesn't suffer (a notable exclusion being chickens). suffering brings us to the second circle. Try to choose food sources where the animals don't suffer any more than necessary. Seek out kosher or halal meats. look for local slaughterhouses. Listen to the animals when they are in holding pens. See if they have food and water while they wait. the food does taste better but it will increase your food budget. I go to Blood farms in Groton Massachusetts whenever my budget allows.
ethical choices come up in every part of our lives. You can't justify them to everybody, sometimes you can't even justify them to yourselves but you do the best you can and let that be enough to let you sleep at night.