Letters to the Editor
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A role model
Sure, start a band. Keith Richards is, what, 75? His age didn't prevent him from falling on his head from a coconut tree, and snorting his father's ashes. This proves you can be shrivelled, stoned and stupid, and still be a star.
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too late to start a band at 45...
Look, as long as you don't turn in to that asshole bass player in the bow-flex commercial, you can do what you want! You’re afraid of being a laughingstock? Fuck 'em. That being said, don't expect to do anything but fulfill your creative needs...no A&R guy is ever gonna sign a 45 year old fronting an industrial band...but hey, that shouldn't stop you either! Fuck 'em! And hey, speaking as a 41-year-old bass player who gigs regularly, at least your not wanting to play 'new country' like the rest of our tired, lame-ass, generation...what is with the popularity of that genre? Just because you've got a steel guitar player and a fiddle player doesn't make you a fuckin' country band ya know? Bad pop music is bad pop music whether it comes from L.A. or Nashville. Then again, Nashville has been busy fuckin' up a good thing from the get-go! Anyway...start a band, play loud and naked for all I care, and yeah, tone down that ego a bit...then again, you did say you want to be a lead singer. And that guy is almost always an egotistical asshole! Make sure you carry more gear than just your microphone, and the band will hate you less...good luck!
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Dude, No Problem!
Dude, no problem -- as long as you're a MAN! I mean, isn't Marilyn Manson 45 years old, at least? Jeez, anyone check out the guys backing Avril Lavigne on SNL last week? They were all pusing 40 with their fake-ass faded concert t-shirts and skinny jeans. Pathetic. And all those guys in Green Day must be at least my age with their eyeliner and shit. Makes me laugh. But the kids buy it, because it doesn't matter how old a MAN gets, he can still rock out and not be a laughing stock. A female, however, has to be YOUNG and HAWT in order to rock. This letter would be really fascinating if it were written by a 45-year-old WOMAN who wants to start a new career as a front for a goth band! Shit, even a 35-year-old woman would be laughed out of town. And I'm not saying there aren't older women who can still rock and be cool (Lucinda Williams,Cat Power, Blondie, Marianne Faithfull, etc) but they were young when they started out. Okay, these guys were probably in their 20's when they started out, too, but admit -- it's not TOTALLY RIDICULOUS for a 40-something guy to want to be a rock star. Whereas, it would be next to IMPOSSIBLE for a female. So much for following MY dream, right? Alright, Salon smart-asses, tell me I'm wrong. Name me some hot-ass women in rock who STARTED their careers in their 40's. NAME ONE!
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Ego
I think Cary did a very nice job with this one.
Jobs...that have left me bored, unfulfilled and feeling like my soul has been crushed.
Only you can allow your soul to be crushed. It's not the jobs, it's your attitude about the jobs that is the problem.
I am tired of being unhappy and not being myself.
You're not married and have no children. You have no obligations to anyone other than yourself so why are you unhappy and not being yourself? It's all on you. You did this to yourself. Society didn't do it.
The people I work with, while nice, are not in any way relatable to me. I view them as mindless robots who do whatever society tells them to do.
It's clear that you think you're better than these folks. Once you realize that these people are human beings with their own hopes and dreams, just like you, you'll be able to relate to them.
I've been told many times I have a near genius IQ and have always been an out-of-the-box thinker.
So you've purposely had your IQ tested many times? I can't help but see this statement as support for your belief that you're better than other people. On the other hand, if you're an out-of-the-box thinker then why are you stuck in "soul crushing" jobs? Can't you find a way out?
The whole career track, partnering up with someone, buying a big house and driving an SUV thing makes me feel suicidal.
You're watching way too much TV. This is a media constructed life, a consumer driven life you've described. There are millions of people in this country who don't live like this. No one is forcing you to live that life. You're not thinking outside of the box.
I feel like I am too old and people will laugh me right out of town.
Again, the box is hemming you in. Look around at the people you see as robots and you'll find there are many doing things that you fear being laughed at for doing.
Basically, you have an ego problem. It's getting in the way of everything. Let it go and live the life you want. The only permission you need is your own.
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Letter-writer -
My breakthrough came at 44. Or within a couple years of 44, actually, once the gyz began to jell. (The breakthrough was not about success.)
Your lack of connection to years of co-workers stood out. Not quite contempt, but the saving grace of my years of scut work has always been more than a few of my dear co-workers. What delights. What delightful companions, shoulder to shoulder, doing this crap so many of us have done to survive.
To me the bottom line of any discussion of art and insanity - not that this is necessarily one of those - is that any art must have some real intimate contact with reality in order to resonate with people. That's my concern for you now. Our reality base, life on life's terms, though too often prickly, is not fundamentally contemptable. We live in it, we learn to look at it, touch it, breathe it.
At a certain point something came to me. I couldn't bear not recording it.
Your struggle now, though, seems to be between getting others to tell you what to do and you telling yourself what to do.
I stuck with my therapist (when I was 32), got familiar with the world, sang, and went to work. Advice? Protect your hearing. Protect it from the shamers, too.
Best,
Monty
(more, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")