Letters to the Editor
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I Make Lamps
Like the letter writer, I toil every day in an office, but that doesn't mean I can't express myself creatively and I would encourage them to do the same thing. For me it is lamp making. I can completely lose myself in the design of a lamp, making it look just so. Sometimes I find myself lost in thought at work, thinking about the lamp that I am making. My point is, with a steady job, I can have the freedom to make lamps whenever I want, without the sword of Damacles hanging over my head that I "need to make this lamp good enough or appealing enough that someone will want to buy it". Only when your survival doesn't depend on your art will your art be true and great. You can trust me on this, as I am actually a full on balls-to-the-wall genius.
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LW, the robots are judging you too
I was a corporate robot. I was making more than $500,000 a year. People were always telling me how smart and great I was. And I looked at less successful cubicle rats as schmucks who didn't get it, had low intellectual firepower, no ambition, just a bunch of losers willing to keep coming to a job they obviously didn't like much and were never going to be great at instead of going out and finding something they really wanted to do. That would be you, LW.
So - while you're busy sneering at the robots, the robots are sneering at you. Funny, huh?
But my real point - I wasn't happy. I was great at my job but it didn't have dick to do with who I 'really' was. Which was - a writer. I have always wanted to be a writer. And the kind of job I had simply didn't allow for developing my writing - I worked all the time. 6a until about 10p when I was home, which was 20% of the time, and 24x7 when I was travelling internationally, which was the rest of the time. I had time to be married - barely - and that was it.
So I quit. Now I'm writing. I don't make much money but I'm happy, and honestly feel that the money will come - I just have to keep at it. Funny though - I need SO much less now that I'm no longer rubbing elbows with all the really successful robots. I am so glad I made the decision I made - now Friday and Saturday and Monday all feel the same to me - I don't look forward to any particular day of the week, I just look forward to each day. Sounds trite but most simple things do.
BTW I've stayed in touch with some ex-robots. One raises horses now. Another sculpts with iron. Another opened a photography studio for child portraits. Another nursed her mom through a long illness and painful death and is now taking care of her 100-year-old grandmother full tiime. Another just up and moved to Santa Fe because she liked the landscape, and now she does a little of this and a little of that and likes to say 'oh not much' when you ask her what she does for a living. Still another adopted and is working for a nonprofit now. And here I thought they were just a bunch of robots, and unsuccessful ones at that. And all along they were - gasp - like me (only nicer). Kind of humbling.
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I've known this guy since he was 18....
in Memphis, TN. Hey, T. Long time no see.
The weird thing is, he's never changed. I guess there really are some things about us that are baked-in, permanent, forever. He's always been a grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side, any-club-that-would-have-me-must-not-be-worth-joining kind of guy. It makes me sad to see that he's 45, now, and still a lost soul. Dude, you have GOT to love yourself, and you've got to let go of your navel-gazing. I've read your latest writings on mySpace, and you sure complain a lot. Quit your pointless bitching, and start ENJOYING. Life's a rich banquet, and you're starving to death, fork in hand.
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Mid-life crisis or mid-life awakening
Umm... I'm 47 and it took about a year to read the response to the question posed! ;)
Short answer - if you've got the guts go for it! The twenty-somethings may snigger a bit but in a few years when they've succumb to the real world and responsibilities that ensue they may look back and have a sense of hope that it's never to late to go after the dream!!
I used to look at the old guys driving the Porsches and smirk (me in my Fairmont station wagon w/ baby seats) -but now I figure the dues were paid and it's time to enjoy it while you can.
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Another bload-ego narcissist
Just what the world needs. This sounds like a boy (not a man) who will go to his grave resenting those who work for the man and get paid by him for doing so. A boy who will wallow in his artistic martyrdom while berating anyone else who may be a little mainstream. You want to be artistic and creative? Then be artistic and creative but don't piss on the rest of us with your requests for permission when probably all you're really asking is, "LET'S TALK ABOUT ME ME ME."
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...and one more thing...
Cary, go have a drink ... you've been dry too long and it's made you an uninteresting word puking bore.
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And all along they were - gasp - like me (only nicer).
That wouldn't be too hard.
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Root-cause analysis
It's not about the band, brother.
I find it hard to believe that forming a band will suddenly improve your life when you come across as a desperately unhappy and judgemental person- who wears your contempt for others by using dismissive terms like "mindless drones," and believing that you are just too special to work for a living.
Guess what, you're not.
I lived up close and personal with someone who shares many of your apparent traits. They were perpetually miserable and hell to just be around. Don't kid yourself by thinking the reason why nobody connects to you is that you are somehow superior. If you are at all like the person to whom I refer, your particular set of personality traits would be profoundly repellent to most well-adjusted people.
Blunt, yes. Unkind, no- because you are what you are, right now. You have to explore how you got there, and whether or not staying there is still working for you. Do a reality check. Force yourself to mix with various groups of people. Listen to what goes through your head as you do this, and then ask yourself, "If I met me, would I admire that person and want to know them?"
People here are doing you a kindness by calling you on your bullshit and self-delusions. Please look at this as a gift and start a discipline of self-reflection. Look inside yourself- that's where the solution lies- not in external trappings.
I think a competant therapist could help you in your journey. While you do this, seek out some kind of real community of real people. Club, liberal religious congregation, etc. Make regular contact. You can lurk at first, and then take a few small steps at a time.
If you do this- prepare to have your world, as you now know it, shatter before your very eyes. It's hard, hard work, and very few have the stomach to see it through, because you literally have to commit mental suicide and rebirth yourself. But the benefits can be dramatic.
Do you have the guts to admit to yourself that a good many people commenting on your letter just might be right... even for one microsecond? If so, then copy your letter and this entire thread and bring it with you to your therapy intake, and tell the doctor, "You know- these folks might be onto something here."
I think the better question for you is, "At 45, am I too old to jettison the baggage that I carry in order to become a whole, loving and happy person?
You deserve no less.
Good luck, and do be well.
P.S. You can form the band later.