Letters to the Editor
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I have just read the stupidest, funniest, most arrogant, most unbelievable quote ever in Salon. Thanks, Cary!
--"I've already been to five continents, but is that really enough?"--
I am not blessed with the ability to put into words just why it's all of those things. But someone out there agrees with me. Who's with me? God, that's just so precious.
P.S. To the letter writer. Your life will never have meaning. No one's does. You're just another of billions and billions of people who are the center of their own universe and not even a speck of dust in everyone else's. Deal with it.
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Um, anonymous...
I'm pretty sure she was being ironic.
The only thing I would say about the LW's question is: do your siblings know about/support your idea of dedicating yourself to their kids this way? You might want to have a talk with them about it. Probably they'd be fine, but you never know how people could get territorial.
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Sounds Nice if You can avoid Competing with the Parents
I agree with Cary that it doesn't sound lame or a cop out to want to move to be closer to your family. However, I would caution you that just because you want to devote time to them, it doesn't follow that your sisters will automatically be thrilled to have you do that. Even if you sisters love having you around and are eager for the help of an additional family member, you may be setting yourself up to compete with the parents in the kids affection and may find yourself eventualy resented or even unwelcome. Before you actually move, you and yours sisters need to reach an agreement on the proper roles for Mom and doting Aunt.
So set up your household near your sister, if you want, and take a job that allows you ample time to enjoy your family. Just make sure that you don't allow your entire world to rotate around your nieces and nephews or you may find yourself causing family friction by trying to upsurp the parents.
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What do the moms think?
I don't see anything wrong with being an auntie. I certainly don't see anything wrong with giving up a life that doesn't seem very attractive to you anyway in favor of a life that does. There's only one potential problem I spy on the horizon: what if the moms aren't as thrilled with having a full-time auntie as you are being one? The problem, as I see it, isn't that they aren't your kids; it's that they are someone else's kids. If you and your sisters had a falling-out, what would happen next? What about the fathers? Are all of these people willing to consider you a permanent part of their lives? Unlike a parent, you have no legal right to visitation in the event of a family breakdown. Consider all the circumstances in which a breakdown might occur. How would the dynamic change if your sister got divorced and remarried a guy who couldn't stand you? What if kid number 2 said, "I wish you were like Aunt Mary, she never nags me" and mom freaked out?
I'm not saying don't do it. I think your letter is heart-warming. Just make sure that the things that belong to YOU are enough to sustain you. Don't give away everything you own. For one thing, relying on your sisters' families for your happiness will put a pressure on them that can't help but be a bad thing.
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The Aunts in my family made all the difference
I was (am) blessed knowing 2 great women who never had children but who acted as a great support system for the family. Two of my great aunts never had children, I am not sure why, but I know these ladies are / were (one has passed away) beloved by their nieces, nephews and great nieces and nephews. Aunt Sallie was the back-up babysitter for 2 generations and I think at her death more family members sought out mementos from her home than they did for the death of our grandmother (who was also loved) We all loved her home and felt a great privilege in returning the love she showed us to care for her in her last years. Aunt Bert is still living and deeply loved, and an odd bridge between my divorced parents and their spouses.
The love of an aunt is just as unconditional as that of a parent, with the added feeling of an ally who is there by choice.
Both ladies were older when my first memories start so I don't know how they feel or felt about not having children, no matter - being a "great" aunt is a blessing and nothing to be concerned about.
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They'll probably appreciate the help
When my brother/sister-in-law moved back to the hometown with their 3, I remember feeling guilty about taking the kids for the day.
I was prefacing a request (movies?) with "I don't want to cut into your quality time with your kids..."
Brother and sister-in-law were like "Take 'em, take 'em, take 'em!!!"
It really DOES take a village.
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Life is funny...
I wish you everything that is fulfilling -- whether that is traveling to the two remaining continents, and/or life as a loved and loving aunt. It's good to have a plan, but you never know what life has in store. I married at 44 and my husband and I just this evening completed our first home-study meeting as the next step in the adoption process.
I've traveled, started businesses... I figured marriage and family were not in the cards for me, but you just never know.
Again, I wish you everything that is fulfilling.
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The most important thing I've learned in life
The most important thing I've ever learned in life is that you have to do what actually makes you happy, not what you think should make you happy.
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great
As you probably know, many 2nd generation immigrant kids in the States (in my case Korean) grew up with a lot of aunts and uncles always barging in and out. I've seen life both with and without extended family--My nuclear family mostly lived away from our relatives; and I'd pick extended family life every time. Sure, (at least in immigrant families) the kids have to deal with the "why aren't you married yet?" questions from age 25 and other smotherings, but it is a small price to pay.
What you are considering is wonderful for the kids (and for yourself also). And it's best to catch them early...
Sure, I suppose that doting on the kids can be a crutch or excuse for not developing your own life; but so can work, American Idol, collecting post-modern art.
By the way, these aren't "someone else's kids" but rather they are your nieces/nephews. I think people who come from extended families understand what I mean.