I take Cary's point, in a follow-your-bliss kind of way. I arrive at a similar point, but more round-about, with cautions.

I know someone who in following his bliss is falling to many of his worst reactive inclinations. This is someone into self-improvement, as well, so his blindness is a little creepy.

In reading your letter I'm hearing a lot of trying to fulfill yourself by helping others. Helping others is healthy if at first you're fulfilled. But if you're acting out of your unhappiness,...

You talk about "the unlikely and meaningless circumstances of being alive on a planet". This is not happy talk. But it is precisely the unlikeliness of our being alive on a planet, the rare precious fewness of it, that gives it meaning; that here we have our short time to experience our days. It is not an either/or proposition, either aunt or do one of many other things. (Dysfunctional thinking?) You can do a number of them at approximately the same time. But if you are not operating out of your core, your found core, if you are not often in the one and only moment of experiencing vital life, it may well be pissing in the wind.

Not that you can't do aunting while you're straightening things out. The cautions of other letter writers are germaine, of course. But if you're helping while you're unhappy - Well, do you have it firmly in mind that helping others to do what they can or should be doing for themselves only helps their abilities atrophy? There's a word for that. Do you understand the ramifications of a needy person trying to fulfill others' needs to get one's own needs met? the round-about danger of it? Central is to give freely with no strings attached.

Is there addiction in your family?

Your heart's in the right place. Yes, it can be followed. It also knows, though, to go to places you might want to avoid.

Best,

Monty

(more, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")

to do what you want to do. She signs everything now as "auntie." This is our first kid and her presence will help me finish grad school (because we both know kids don't need you much after about two decades).

I don't know what the future will hold (she could meet someone in her new town and get married and have kids of her own), but that's true of any situation. She and I have pretty good communication and I don't think we'll have many problems with authority and territory, but I think we'll have some (just as I'm sure I'll have them with my husband, my parents, and my in-laws). Parents are going to have to negotiate all sorts of roles with all sorts of people--that shouldn't stop you from being a presence in these children's lives.

I think your background would also inspire your nieces and nephews if their parents didn't explore the world in the way you have. That is something very important that you can share with them as they move into adolescence. I think it is invaluable to have role models who chose to carve out all sorts of different lives (some get married, some don't; some go to college, some don't; some explore the world through travel, some don't). You have a lot to offer these kids beyond just changing diapers.

I think you're blessed to have the opportunity and the choice to be a part of these children's lives. Imagine how loved they will feel when they learn that you chose them. I can't imagine a better gift to give them that your time, your energy, and your experiences.

Who knows, maybe after a couple of years with the kids too, you might not be so pessimistic about making change in the world.

good luck (and go!)

If you want to move and change jobs to be closer to your nieces and nephews and spend more time with them, more power to you. Having a good relationship with them is very important, as is spending time with them.

However, do not use them as a substitute for your own life! You cannot perpetually be an appendage to your sisters' families. Try to find work that's satisfying (if non-profits are grinding you down, why not look for a job in another sector of the economy?), not to mention hobbies, interests and friends outside the family.

Talk to your sisters by all means, set boundaries, and respect them. Another point of view to consider is that of your brothers-in-law. Depending on their family backgrounds, they may be clueless about the dynamics of large, extended families and may not understand your desire to be involved with their children.

Create your own life with space for your extended family.

Before you decide to dedicate your life to helping to raise your sisters' kids, you need to have long and careful conversations with your sisters AND with thier husbands to understand what the boundaries are, and recognize that YOU have NO POWER to insist on more authority or access to the kids than they decide that you should have, and that they have the right to re-draw those boundaries at any time.

My siblings and I have had vastly different experiences of our family of origin and don't have anything close to the same opinion of it, and the same is true of my wife. You might be stunned to learn what your sisters and their husbands want in a family, how they plan to raise it, what their belief systems are....and you'd be a fool to decide that you can influence them.

If one of my siblings or my wife's siblings decided to do this, we'd be horrified and opposed to it and work carefully to ensure safe boundaries for our kids. Think that over carefully. You're not going to be a part of their nuclear families, not a part of the key decisions, and it's their right to push you out of any interaction or even decide that your influence on the kids is bad for them in situation A or B, when you believe you know what's best and want to be there.

I'm sorry to be so negative. I think your dedication to these kids is awesome, but I think you need to acknowledge that it's not up to you what role you play in thier lives, and it can change on you without notice or input from you. It strikes me as dangerous to try to find fulfillment in something like that.