Letters to the Editor
-
Dear LW
I have worked in treament programs with adults who have mental illnesses, including Schizoaffective Disorder, for many years. Some of the best people I have ever met were clients in those programs. Some had done things when they were psychotic that hurt other people. Many, when faced with the challenge of actions for which they were both in some sense responsible and yet not entirely at fault, found deep inner reserves of dignity and personal faith to use to reconstruct their sense of themselves as moral beings. Whether the people they had hurt were able to forgive them had more to do with the injured parties. What made the clients feel whole again were the repairs they made to their own injured sense of self worth. Perhaps your former aquaintences will never be able to fully process the moral ambiguity of your situation, but that doesn't have to set the tone for how you think of yourself or what you should expect from others in the future.
One of my fellow counselors had himself been a client in the program at one time and continues to be treated for Schizophrenia to this day. He tells others about his illness openly, knowing that he will probably be prejudged by the ignorant, but also expecting that showing people there is nothing to fear in him is probably the best thing he can possibly do to help change attitudes. This was not the path that everyone took -- many chose to keep their illnesses to themselves and work on improving their own lives and repairing their own self-image from the inside out rather than the outside in. Either way, they had to learn to trust themselves. The trust of others followed from that.
This may not be your experience, but I thought perhaps you would find it heartening to hear that you are not alone, and that there are many paths you can choose in response to the things you did when ill. The only thing you can't do is control how other people judge you.
-
Chop wood, carry water.
Cary's response was exceptional. I agree with how he approaches the question generally. Still, I think people suffering with illness of any sort are stigmatized by fears of contagion or other lurking, imagined threats.
I fear I will suffer even more stigma after events like that.
That is a totally valid fear. You are right, I am sorry to say. Our defenses are heightened, and for a long time people will be hypervigilant. People without mental illness will be persecuted for simply being 'quiet while Asian'.
Take some comfort in knowing that you will not experience the same sort of dread suffered by those who have brown skin and vaguely middleastern looks. There is little rest for those weary travelers.
For that reason alone -- the guarantee of stigma -- I cannot encourage you, to simply 'let people know' as mikemc(editors choice) suggests. This puts you at risk you need not assume and may stimulate people to isolate you out of fear and ignorance. There is such thing as a 'need to know basis', as people living with HIV and AIDS are well aware.
On the other hand:
If you would like to be an activist, this is a great time for you to make yourself visible, but I believe that for a while it will be a recipe for an extra helping of stress and anxiety. The mentally ill are likely to be far more stigmatized than people of Korean or Asian descent as a result of this tragedy.
If you are interested in giving yourself tools with which to educate people about your condition and these chaotic times, read the link in my signature. If you are up for more difficult reading that can both empower you and clarify the underlying prejudices that accompany any kind of illness, try Illness as a Metaphor by Susan Sontag. The title of my posting is also the title of a great book that is in harmony with Cary's advice.
The link is:
Psychopath? Depressive? Schizophrenic? Was Cho Seung-Hui really like the Columbine killers?
By Dave Cullen
Unless people care to understand the difference(all too rare), now is one of the toughest times possible to be 'out' and mentally ill.
-
Dear Trying:
I belong to the same tribe of scrambled genes. There are millions of us. We did not ask for mental illness and most of us cope as best we can and pretty well.
I’ve been reading the writings of people who are blaming the students for not charging into two guns blazing. They are writing such things and you think you’re bad?
If you’re reading the rest of Salon you have to know how awfully many behave, with little guilt and dreadful consequence; having less reason than you.
…I would like a fraction of such self forgiveness if it came with good judgment as well…
When I found myself identifying too much with the alienation of Seung I let go collective guilt and individual shame when I asked myself the question would I ever do what he did. Not a chance. And neither would you. The tape made it clear he couldn’t see the wonderful people who lived in the world he didn’t know he shared. You seem aware of the pain of others; and wish not to be its cause.
Remember we belong as much to a larger tribe as well. We are human. And many of us have contributed much to our human family.
Find a good psychiatrist, learn what you can, make new friends.
-Pete
-
Stigmas, mental illness, and death
I feel for the LW, it must be difficult to never be secure about yourself, and to feel out of control. Mental illness enjoys its stigma as a result of how scary it seems to us. For those of us who are not mentally ill (or think of ourselves that way) we think we know ourselves, we have an idea of the limits of our behaviour. Our intentions rarely are divorced so far from our actions, but i imagine that those comforts are not there for the mentally ill.
Cho gives us that security even more, we read abotu his stalking, his writings, his isolation, his odd behavior and we can point to it and say, "see i am nothing like him, i would never do what he did." That security is important for us, and it is a tragedy that the LW feels that either he doesn't have that security, or people will use him in the same way the public uses cho.
Of course if we are truly honest with ourselves, our security is mostly illusion. We don't know how we really would react to situations. Our ability to predict future behaviour is limited to what we have already faced. I can say i would never kill someone, but who knows.. that famous experiment dealing with torture shows that we delude ourselves on a certain level when thinking about our capacity for evil. We hold the mirror of psychopaths, serial killers, and others to see ourselves in a better, kinder, light. WE want to separate ourselves from the mentally ill, so we can more easily believe that we won't lose control, that we would never cause violence, or hurt someone unintentionally.
I wish i had a more positive outlook on those who suffer from the stigma of mental illness, it is a powerful force. But, i suspect just as with anything else, having at least one friend, one person who is willing to listen to you and understand counts for so much. I am very much saddened when i read about how isolated Cho really was, and this was not due to people's lack of efforts. The saddest part is that mental illness does not lend itself to finding connections with others that can so often can make teh critical difference.