Letters to the Editor
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What I love about Cary's writing
...is the poetry of it, the way Cary reaches deep into his heart and says things with such simplicity and rightness. "...taking your meds and seeing your doctors, praying, digging vegetables, swimming upstream in the river, walking alone through crowded streets..." I'm in awe of how he responds with depth and compassion to such perplexing issues.
LW, there is one other thing you might try -- letting people know, as you did beautifully in this letter, that you yourself are aware of your condition, are troubled by it, and want to be a better human being. You might say to people, when the moment is right, "I have a disorder. It's a biochemical imbalance in my brain. It troubles me and makes me act strangely, but I work to manage it every day and don't wish to harm anyone." The Virginia Tech killer showed none of that self-awareness, and that's what makes him different from you. Psychopaths are terrifying because they either don't know or don't care that they're ill. Showing people that you both know and care about your condition puts you in a totally different realm.
If you said that to a person, I bet it would let them see you with new eyes and help them understand that you are human just like they are.
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Don't be surprised if people you've hurt/threatened don't want to be your buddy
You need to simply accept the fact that your actions have long-lasting repercussions, even if your actions seem to have been beyond your control. There are people who won't like you no matter what you say, no matter how well you explain yourself. It is not your business to deal with the ignorance or fear of others. You can try, but always be ready to accept that you might fail.
I recommend you maintain a "system" for making amends or apologizing whenever you behave erratically. First of all, know that sometimes people who feel threatened or fearful cannot be approached at all. This gives you no recourse since they are out of the reach of communication. So you have to either mail letters, send emails, or be willing to accept that some people will never like you.
Trust me -- having people like you is not all that valuable. Unless you're trying to get a reference for a job, or trying to woo a woman in a particular social circle, being liked doesn't mean much. So try not to worry about it. Instead, worry about how you spend your time -- whether you're accomplishing things with the time you have, whether you're enjoying yourself, being healthy, making the most of the resources in your immediate world.
Secondly, remember this: Your mental illness is not necessarily anybody else's business. Unless you've done something messed-up, you don't have to go around telling people about it, unless you trust them and really consider them friends. Otherwise, it is YOUR business. You owe nobody any information about your mental health history.
I don't think we should stigmatize the mentally ill based on the Va. Tech killings. I think we should stigmatize the people who cleared a path for an obviously violent person to keep being violent. The people who allowed him to have access to guns and ammo, the school administrators who failed to expel him after numerous cases of flagrantly turning in ridiculously violent homework assigments that didn't have any point (artistically speaking) other than to shock, the mental health evaluators who did not recognize the threat. They are the ones who should be condemned, if anybody.
And yes, we should condemn Cho above all, since I am sure he had the ability to choose a different path, even if his mind was unusually wired. You are not a Cho. You have the ability to choose your behaviors and you have consciously decided not to go down that path. You know where it leads and it isn't anyplace good. So you have found other paths, and for that I commend you.
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take good care of yourself and listen to Cary
Just a great response from Cary! And all you can do is all you can do. You know you are not a killer and you take your meds and do what you need to do. Participate in activities that you enjoy. It's important to really know deep inside that the opinions of others really don't matter. Good luck to you. You are not at all like the VT killer. He could never have written a letter like this.
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What VTech means.
Although I think I understand what Cary is saying about the nihilism of Cho's actions, what they mean to me is that there are some people who are truly malevolent, and what that means is something I think about a lot, because I happen to know one of those people. Whether this malevolence constitutes badness or madness, is something I go back and forth on. It helps me to forgive the person if I think of it as madness, but then I recognize that there's an utterly selfish volition behind their actions that looks at other people and sees them as opportunities for gathering power, and then I have to see it also as badness. I guess real forgiveness involves confronting that aspect as well. In any case, I agree with the previous commenters who point out that you are clearly not in this category. Some people may not be able to suspend their prejudices for long enough to see this, but other people will know it, and so you're not that different from the rest of us, who are all in different ways viewed through the lens of prejudice, and have to live with the fact that some people don't like us. That's only a problem if we agree with their judgement, which, I regret to say, is all too easy for me at least to do.
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Dear Trying
Thank you for the letter you sent to Cary today. It has opened my eyes in so many ways.
Have you ever suspected that you might not be the one who is insane? That the whole world is crazy, except for you?
And you try to talk yourself out-out-out of this idea -- because of all the definitions the world has for the word "crazy", the universally agreed upon one seems to be this notion of the majority gets to rule on what constitutes "normal."
Oh, for fuck's sake, people who make that argument need only read Tocqueville! The tyranny of the majority indeed! Yet at the same time, I know what you mean -- to feel that lashing fury across your back, the hostile reactions that people don't really want to conceal.
It's almost as if they want you to know what they think of you. They are trying to telegraph it.
If I have any kind and human words to share, they would be these: saying a thing doesn't make it so, and yet, some words are true. This appears to be at the heart of the human dilemma, and it burns.
Guard yourself well, my brother.
Cheryl Strauss (cheryltstrauss@yahoo.com)