Read other letters about this article

• Sunday, April 22, 2007 10:56 PM

  Making Amends

  People who you've hurt or injured glare at you. That is a natural reaction. If you don't like this, learn to cultivate some tact and diplomacy if you don't possess it naturally.

  Yes, they should forgive you. Yes, it would be the right thing. But yes, these things are generally said by psychologists and/or priests, people who are in the business of forgiving people, and wouldn't collect their paychecks if they didn't. And moreover, probably wouldn't give you the time of day if you weren't paying their billable hours or being part of their congregation.

  You want regular people to forgive you? Make amends. Talk is cheap and asking for forgiveness is cheap, especially if you do it in public where there's the emotional blackmail aspect where the person you're asking will seem like a jerk if they don't say they forgive you. Besides which, being forgiven doesn't mean someone will like you now or again or ever. You're associated in their mind with pain and injury.

  You want to make that go away? Repair the damage you did, and even if you can't, go out of your way to do nice things for them. If you're lucky, you'll end up an emotional mixed bag for them, and eventually on their schedule--not yours--they may actually forgive you, not just say the words.

  —Kevin Andrew Murphy Read Kevin Andrew Murphy's other letters
  Permalink
  Flag
  Click "Submit Flag" if you feel this post is inappropriate. Explain why below if you wish.

  Cancel